Friday, October 17, 2008
The Joys of Instant Messenger
Hello my darlings, this self enforced exile is starting to get a wee bit tedious, so if it's okay with you I think I'll come back now. Not that it's been all boring mind, oh no, not at all.. I really must tell you about some of the recent new friends I've made, you truly wouldn't believe what an accommodating bunch they are.
See in recent months I've taken to chatting on-line with a couple of my dear friends, actually one happens to be a fellow blogger (don't worry Chewy I won't say who you are). Anyways, Instant Messenger is brill, you can have a real time conversation without the hassle of having to apologise for smoking, and where burping and picking your teeth holds no shame.
I was of the impression that only invited friends were able to access me on this, but apparently I am mistaken. Several other well-wishers have popped up as of late. Admittedly, I didn't recognise the address of email@example.com, but it was jolly nice of who ever it was to take all that trouble to contact me. Same with firstname.lastname@example.org. I mean, we all know how difficult it is to reach out that first hand in friendship don't we? I felt quite touched (in a violated, flesh crawling kind of way). Here there are people, not only willing to offer out their hand, they also appear, from the gist of their email addy, to be perfectly willing and eager to proffer out several other of their bodily parts, too. Sheesh, kind or what?
I mean, it's not as though I have anything better to do with my life, if it's a straight choice between either keeping up with the housework or of having an on-line bonk with some nameless, faceless stranger, hell yeah, just sign me up for it any time! I assume the added uncertainly of not even knowing which gender you are getting it off with can only but enhance this rich experience? Mind you, a written recommendation first from a previous sexual partner (any close family member would do) might help to reassure me that they can actually perform.
Seriously, there are real live saddo's out there who are trolling at random to donate free sexual favours to anyone in need. Does "Help The Aged" know of this? Imagine the comfort this could bring. "Loneliness begone dear little old lady, we have matched you up with the perfect pervert, just for you!" I find it particularly endearing these valiant volunteers have all chosen to remain so utterly anonymous, are they selfless or what?
Someone should nominate them for an "Outstanding Citizenship Award", 'cos the way I see it, I think it's about time some of these guys received their just deserts, don't you?.