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Wednesday, February 22, 2012

True Confessions



In light of my previous post, I have a hereforeto undisclosed on-line confession to make. A few years ago, I went and had me a breast reduction.

Well, c'mon, you've seen my body frame, marrying it to a humongous, bouncing, double F cup set of "in-your-face" boobies, is nothing short of taking the piss.

An early developer, I soon found these "assetts" came with several drawbacks. For instance, I was captain of my netball team for goodness sake! (I mean, can you imagine..??) And clothes, what an ordeal.. you try finding something fetching to wear that fits a snug UK size ten bum, with the sad misfortune of being married to bazooka's half the size of China.

Frocks were out, skirts and trousers - that's all I could wear. As if that weren't bad enough, shopping for tops at Evans (the Outsize shop) was often a downright nightmare.. you have no idea how much hostility I could encounter in that place! And guys, listen up, talking at a woman's chest isn't cute, it's downright rude, okay? Trust me on this, a girlie prefers to be looked straight in the eyes, truly.

In my early twenties, after moving to London, a friend suggested I go to THE top bra-fitters, Rigby & Pellor, just around the corner from Harrods; fitters to the Queen as well as to countless other famous folks, these guys knew their stuff, if anyone could help me it was them. My pockets were not that deep truth be told, but I considered saving up for a visit there a wise investment. It's not a huge place by the way, by my it's busy! You literally have to take a ticket and sit in line.


Trouble is, the type of lady who can afford to shop at this place is not the type of lady who is used to being told to wait for much of anything. One middle-aged matron threw such a full blown hissy-fit, she ended up finding her high maintenance, normally much kissed arse, royally and unceremoniously escorted back out on to the pavement again. (The staff here much prefer to do rather than to receive the intimidation, and are far better at it.)

Still, the show that silly bint put on sure did help to pass the time on for the rest of us.

When my number finally came up, I was led trustingly to a cubicle and told to strip and spin.

Huh? Where was the tape-measure??

See, being just a little Pleb back then, I was completely unaware that professional bra fitters should never need to resort to actually measuring you. Oh my, no, they are so, so way above that. Like a perfumer relies upon the sensitivity of his nose, a qualified trained bra-fitter uses only her eyes to decide upon your perfect bra cup.


A word to the wise here, once she has decided this, please don't be so foolish as to believe you can buy just any old style of bra. No, those delicate, flimsy lace creations you eyed up on the way in may very well look oh, so sexy and alluring, but don't even think of asking for one in my size.

Not unless you want to make a complete and utter idiot of yourself.

See, those pretty little things are not for the likes of us well-endowed girlies, ut-uh, you need to get real.

What we need here are "Busten-Halters", no less - a kind of a cross between a parachute on pulleys, and an evil iron-cast, whale-bone wrap-round clamp (and which naturally also costs at least ten times the price of those aforementioned, much pined for skimpy bras), these that don't come in lace or in anywhere near as many lovely colours.

Sigh.

However, if I thought I had it bad when I was younger, I had no idea what lay ahead for me four kids down the line. No bra in the world was about to save me now. I often thought about tying them in a knot between my knees and flinging them over my shoulders, but as that would only turn me into a hunchback, I knew better than to follow through .


Nah my friends, I was not a happy bunny back then, oh, dear me no, not at all, at all, at all.

But hubby was far from sympathetic, he couldn't see the problem. Surgery?? Was I mad? There was no way he was about to contemplate having his toys taken away.


I tried to tell him, but he just wouldn' listen.

In the end I took it upon myself to slope off on my own, just to investigate the pros and cons of what a reduction involves.

This being a small island, there was the added complication of having to fly over to the mainland for the procedure. It wouldn't be that much of a hassle to get over, but coming back afterwards could prove a sight more tricky. Still, it depended on how dedicated you were to the cause, and in my case, I would have happily trekked barefoot over the Pyrenees, dragging my drip and drains behind me, if that was all it took.

So it was - armed with the facts - I told hubby all I wanted for Christmas (and my birthday) was to go under the knife.


Okay, it wasn't quite as simple as that, it involved lots of pouting, tears and blackmail, but I finally got him to blow his nose, calm down and to agree his grudging support.

I don't advocate surgery lightly, it was a lot of money and far more pain than I had ever anticipated - but for me the cost was well worth it. Nothing's been added, just a little taken away, is all. My surgeon equated it to shopping bags and groceries, and being as how mine were apparently far from empty, no silicone filler was deemed necessary.   Yup, these babies are still very much ALL natural!

I wish I could say it was a simple, trouble free procedure, but that just wasn't to be. (That, my friends, would make a whole good new post all in itself.) But having said that, I can't tell you the joys of being able to finally sport a snug t-shirt, or of wearing a swimsuit without first hiding out in the deep end of the pool.

I've now taken to wearing dresses, using a treadmill (well, once or twice), and have also discovered a thrilling, naughty new found fetish for silk lingerie.

Oh, and hubby? Well, it's only been a few years, I'm sure he'll get over it, given time..

(Wink.)

60 comments:

ellen abbott said...

Seriously, I've never understood the 'if bigger is better, then humongous is best' attitude when it comes to boobs. I admire your perseverance in doing what was best for you and not caving in to your husband's petulance.

Jinksy said...

I SO sympathise! I've longed all my life to be a flat chested bird who could wear empire line styles that didn't look like a rock climbers overhang challenge! Guess I'm too old and impoverished now to alter things - it's tops and trousers for me!
But thanks for another great read. ♥

Shrinky said...

It was a major bone of contention between us, ellen, that's for sure!

Shrinky said...

Hi there Jinksy, my friend, it's lovely to see you again! It wasn't until in my 40's I went for this, it didn't bother me so much until after the kids..

Bijoux said...

I can't even imagine....it must have been a nightmare being pregnant and see them grow even bigger! Glad the surgery worked and that you are happy with your new body.

Shrinky said...

Well Bijoux, I wouldn't go so far as to say I am HAPPY with my body, but I'm certainly done as far as any other surgeries go - and yeah, it was a good call, overall (smile).

Chantel said...

I've definately developed an....well, if not an affection, at least an acceptance of my "athletic" frame. I'm so on the opposite side babe--and was a jealous mess in highschool....but these things make for deeper souls and better parents later on, don't you think?

Shrinky said...

Ummmn, I'm not sure about the better parent thing, Chantel, or the deeper soul, truth be told - but I do know when everything finally goes south, flat-breasted girls definitely do have their day!

Tabor said...

Well, being the flat-chested girl in high school I must admit that I had no sympathy for you little sex kittens. But now that I am older and wiser I can see the viewpoint of others and glad that you were brave enough to do something about it.

Akelamalu said...

I had a friend who really wanted a breast reduction but couldn't afford it. Then she joined the army and they did it for nothing. Have to say they really made a mess of the op, which was then put right on the NHS. Even after all she went through she was really happy to have smaller boobs.

Shrinky said...

Ha, oh Tabor, I was ANYTHING but a sex kitten back in my school days, believe me - I was always the new kid on the block, and I think the stress only helped my acne to flourish!

Shrinky said...

Ake, I could have, and probably should have sued my surgeon for the complete balls up he made of my op - it was thegood old National Health Service who sent a daily district nurse out for three months to change my dressings - I was virtually bed-ridden and high as a kite on pain killers for the duration. That said, what's done is done - in hindsight, I'd choose my surgeon more carefully, but I don't regret actually losing the load. A breast reduction is far more complex and involved than a breast enlargement is.

The Future Was Yesterday said...

Color me old. . .I remember:)

A big ole smooch (blush) for ah. . hanging tough as it were.:) As one of those guys who's supposed to like humongous and up, you showed courage big as . . . gotta run!:)

roaringforties said...

How on earth is a bloke to comment on this one.
What I will say though, is that it isn't even half a terrifying as the memories of you girls coiffed like extras from Dallas you generated by your photo in the last post. :-)

Oh, what I can say is men break into tit men and leg/arse men.

Slán lath.

Leslie: said...

Oh my goodness, I had to stop reading halfway through to wipe my eyes (laughing so hard). You sure have a way with words. Seriously, though my older daughter had it done when she was 19 - and has never looked back. She was even able to breastfeed her babies. And my friend/hairdresser is as I type, recovering from the same surgery. When I was pregnant I considered it because I got so big so fast, but now I figure what the heck, I ain't so bad, although a big biggish. Not biggish enough to go thru that, though! You better make sure you have lots of tissues handy next summer as I just know I'm going to be crying/laughing the whole time! lol

bill lisleman said...

I truly believe blog educate and entertain. I learned more here today than when I first tried to free a young lady from these restraining things. Of course the field exercises are much more fun than reading about it. thanks I always knew you were NOT a boob.

JeannetteLS said...

Somehow or other, I think your husband will live. You are beautiful. Period. And doing what makes you more comfortable in your own skin I would think just makes you more so.

Kittie Howard said...

Shrinky, I totally sympathize and applaud you for sticking to your boobs! One of my sisters was as you described yourself. To make matters worse, she was tiny, a petite little thing with these huge basketballs. At the end of the day she had marks on her shoulders where the bra straps had cut into her. Oh, but she cried about her plight. Anyway, she married. After the birth of her first child, her boobs turned into normal boobs. She couldn't stop crying, for the joy of her daughter's birth and her rebirth.

mythopolis said...

You have such a way of being funny and painful at the same time! It shows up in many ways in your posts...it makes for great reading.

I was recently reading (academic curiosity, of course) about an accident Sheyla Hershing was in. Sheyla is the current record holder with her 38 KKK breasts. (While she is a Texan, her last few 'procedures' were performed out of the country, since Doctors here refused to make them any bigger) Sheyla ran her Mustang off the road and into a tree recently. Although she did not have air bags, she thanks her breasts for saving her life! True story.

Linda Sue said...

So glad that you went for the surgery in spite of it's nastiness...gravity does have it's way and causes all sorts of discomfort. I never had titties until i had a baby and then - BLOOM! They stayed... i do not like them much. never before did i run like jelly bouncing in front of me, never before did I need to stuff blobs into a rubber garment, with which i could patch a tyre! NOPE I do not like these boobie things.Anyway, was going to comment about your "youth" photos- they don't look Boobie to me- you must have had body dysmorphia or a very good cinching device.

Cloudia said...

this post is a public service,
and not just to breast-obsessed men.

Thanks!

Ms. A said...

I wouldn't know anything on the subject of over-sized boobs, except that there are obviously people that have to deal with them. I'm not one of those people.

tattytiara said...

At a C I'm on the large side of average endowment, and I know it would only take one cup size increase to send me screaming for the knife. Boobage is attractive, absolutely, but function must follow form, and I can just imagine how difficult functioning had to have been for you, especially being such an active person!

Pat Tillett said...

I'll bet it was a major "bone" of contention between you!
I can totally understand. If I was a woman, oh forget it, what the hell do I know....
Big or small, I love them all...

Fenstar de Luxe said...

aaaah thankfully I've never known what it's like, but I'm glad you feel happier about your boobs now. :)

Shrinky said...

Sheesh Dan, of all the posts for you to come into, it would have to be a repost, eh? It's great to see you again, my friend - how's it going?

Shrinky said...

Haha, hi there, roaringforties, thanks for stopping by. Yeah, it's cringe-inducing now, looking back to those power shoulder-pad, big-hair days (shudder) - and to think, we used to believe we looked SO cool! Mind, you guys, with your rolled up jacket sleeves, and spiky glue-head hairstyles were just as bad!

Shrinky said...

Hi there Leslie, ah, I can see I'm preaching to the converted here (smile). I'm glad your daughter was able to have this proceedure at such a young age, I'm sure it helped her confidence no end! Eeeee, it's not that long now, is it, that we'll finally manage to meet up in the flesh - how exciting is that??

Shrinky said...

Ha, Bill, glad you feel more enlightened as to the workings of the female anatomy - but yes, though theory is all fine and well, it's always the practise that makes it all come together (wink)..

Shrinky said...

Jeez Jeannette, you flatter me, I know I'm more than average on the looks front, but yes, confidence to feel comfy in my own skin has certainly improved my life a lot.

Shrinky said...

Oh Kitty, I so understand how your sister felt, and what a great resolution she had! The opposite happened to me, my big boobs simply grew and stayed even more enormous after the kids came along.

Shrinky said...

Aw, cheers for that Dan, you always make my day! Life is bitterswseet, there is always the ridiculous mixed in with the drudgery, don't you think? And, oh yeah, I do recall reading an article somewhere about that woman (laughing)..

Shrinky said...

Hi Linda Sue, oh that was taken pre-kids, and no, they didn't trouble me so much when they at least stayed upright (and yes, in the frock they were indeed, firmly strapped down). It sure wasn't a case of body dismorphia, this I promise you.

Shrinky said...

Haha, amen to that, Claudia - and thanks.

Shrinky said...

Well Ms.A, count your blessings, truly (smile)!

Shrinky said...

Hey Tatty, how brilliant to see you back again, welcome home, bonny lass! Active? Hmph, hardly, not these days, most exercise I get now is a slow stroll walking Jake on the beach!

Shrinky said...

Hi there Pat, yup (snicker) I'd just quit whilst I'm ahead, if I were you..

Shrinky said...

Hi there Fen, hmn, I feel quite shallow now, considering all the unelective surgery you've been forced to endure as of late! (x)

MarkD60 said...

I want that job! "OK, strip and spin! Lemme guess your bra size!"
Yeah Baby!

Shrinky said...

Haaaaaaaaa, you WISH, Mark, right? Nice try, but it's ladies only, I'm afraid.. (laughing)

~Babs said...

I remember this post, don't I, or am I dreaming? So glad you were able to have this done. We were able to do this for our daughter at 19. Our insurance wouldn't cover the cost of the hospital,so I brought her home right after it was done at the surgery clinic. VERY long and scarey night I spent looking after her, I wouldn't choose to do that again! Ever!
Good for you for no longer having to wear "parachutes with pulleys".
(loved that)

foam said...

I have a friend here who had that done years ago. She felt so much better afterwards and didn't suffer from backpain anymore. My bro in law who was a classmate of this friend said that he and many of his male friends griefed the loss of those breasts even though they never got to play with them.
Such are men, eh?

foam said...

Btw., you made the 80s look good in that post below..

Barbara Shallue said...

A friend of mine recently had the same thing - they were killing her back!! I was never that big, but big enough to sympathize. Thank goodness all it took was nursing three kids (one at a time, of course!) and losing 10 pounds to be practically back in training bras. My husband's not that excited about it, but I love being able to wear slinky clothes now!

Shrinky said...

Oh my God, Bab's, I can't BELIEVE you were expected to nurse your daughter at home immediately after major surgery, like that - it horrifies me to think of all the risk involved if anything had gone wrong. I'm so glad she made it through without mishap, and has gone on to find it has enhanced her life. And um, yeah (blush), this is a re-post - after reading a few comments from my previous post, I felt it fitting to drag it out again!

Shrinky said...

Ha! Well Foam, boys will always be boys, I guess, eh? It's only in middle-age, when a few of them grow their own man-boobs, that perhaps some of them will understand what some of us girlies have to put up with!

Shrinky said...

Hi Barbara, you have a perfectly proportioned frame, my friend, and a figure to envy, I think your husband should count his blessings!

Rock Chef said...

So many comments that could be made...

Rock Chef said...

OK, I have the winner.

Is this why you call yourself "Shrinky"?

Shrinky said...

Haaaaaaaaa - give that boy a coconut!!

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

I sooo want one..but I also want a tummy tuck, and fat reduction in several telling places on my body.

sage said...

You write about things I have no idea of--your writing is so enlightening!

chewy said...

This post proves more bravery than your last post.

Shrinky said...

Jac, I'm DONE with surgery, too expensive, too painful, but most of all - even that's too bloomin' late for me now (sob)!

Shrinky said...

aww, happy to oblige, Sage (wink)..!

Shrinky said...

I know Chewy, I really must stop "baring" it all!

Margaret Benbow said...

Yay Shrinky, for not letting your mammalosities get the upper hand! Why be dictated to by our body parts? They are a good servant but a bad master. I wish we could all be brave and determined enough to cut our bouncy bits (or anything else) loose when they're just too much. Thank you for an important post.

Shrinky said...

Hello Margaret, my friend, I see you get it (grin)! It's not for everyone, but if someone is placed in this position, and they are willing to pay the pain and cost to improve their lot - where's the harm?

Hilary said...

I know better now but back in my teens I would have been a tad envious of your size. I was a member of the IBTC (Itty Bitty Titty Committee). These days, at 56, with minimal sagging, I'm more than happy to be on the small side.

I do know someone who desperately wanted a reduction and has been as happy as a lark since undergoing the surgery. I totally get it.

Choco said...

Oh. I live in the other end of the spectrum. And I have always loved tee shirts. So I have been happy with my self. I am unhappy about other things about self though... Ah Well. I am glad you went for the procedure though. If that is what you wanted to do. Breast enhancement is a cosmetic surgery but breast reduction is considered to be a medical procedure. Enough said, right?