Oopsie, I can't believe I went and did that, but I'm not sorry, nope, honestly I'm not. In fact, I'm as excited as an excited clutch of bouncing-off-the-wall, hyperactive kids, who've just been let loose to munch their way through a whole truck load of super-sized Mars Bars, that's how excited I am. All that and more, so much so, I keep pinching myself.
Eeeee, I do so loves me this on-line shopping lark. I mean, where on earth would my impulses fly to, if it were not to in there?
Sit me down in front of an infomercial, (it's like an ad turned into a documentary, only maybe slightly less accurate on the factual stuff) and my reality chip automatically ejects.
Well, they make it all look so good, don't they? And it's not as though I purposefully tune in to watch this guff, they only sneak it in when I'm either bored or tipsy, and my defenses are down.
Take tonight, for instance. Hubby has taken Sweet Sam and himself off for their annual four day jaunt to The Skerries, in Ireland, to watch the bike races. Bec is about, but as the wondrous boyfriend is too, I'm hardly likely to be sharing my sofa with them now, am I? (Apparently, I'm always embarrassing the hell out of her.) Abby is off spending the night at a friends house, and of course with Matt still on the mainland, it's fallen to just the hound again to keep me company.
Only I'm not talking to him right now, since he swiped my cheese.
So here I am flicking my way through the channels, when what do I trip over, but the THE MOST AMAZING ad to ever grace the telly. Seriously, pin your ears back, you need to hear about this. Hmn, in truth, I'm sure 'twould really sound a lot better if you could actually see it for yourself. Let me do you a wee sketch, maybe that'll help..
So, there's this able man at the ironing board, happily dictating away to his laptop, which is sat there behind him, recording his each and every precious word down for the whole of posterity, without him having to lift so much as a finger to the keyboard.
I know, I know, it's magic, isn't it?
'Course, I know this wouldn't be the case out in the real world, I'm not that naive - it's common knowledge men can't multi-task for toffee, but still, just THINK of all the advantages I (being female) could put this fine software to use, doing.
It may come as a surprise for me to tell you, but I do have this unfortunate tendency to oft' times ramble on some - now, the frustrating thing for me is, my fingers have been known to lose huge chunks of this verbiage that spills from out of my brain - they being so slow to catch up, that is. Sadly, a Dictaphone is of little use to me, as my eyes need to see the words up on the screen first, to make any sense of an edit.
The manufacturer claims this program types at least three times faster than any human is capable - can you imagine? Oh, and it claims to recognize 99% of all it's told, which is far more than my kids ever do. And don't worry, I checked, they promise my accent won't be a problem.
And just THINK of all the other stuff I can be getting on with as I'm talking away! I can be prepping the veggies, driving the car, heck, I can even be lying sunbathing out in the back garden, can't I? No, I won't be doing the ironing though, since hubby likes to do that, it's the only time he ever gets any peace to watch his sports, so he says.
So of course I had to place an order, how could I not? And now I'm barely able to contain myself, impatiently counting off the hours for the postie to ring the bell, as I am.
Which is why I can't sleep now, and had to get it all off my chest by telling you fine folks.
I do hope this doesn't end in the self same tears as the "Instant-Eye-Popper" beauty aid I last ordered on-line..