Saturday, January 3, 2009
If the Shoe Fits
Cinderella (slightly alarmed): Don't you think we're rushing this a bit?
Prince Charming (a little miffed): I've searched the whole Kingdom looking for you.
Cinderella (smiling fondly) : Yeah, I know. It sure was a fun night, wasn't it?
Prince Charming (nodding): Indeed it was, I've fallen so madly in love with you, my darling..
Cinderella (tenderly): Sweetie, um, I think you are wonderful, I really do - in fact I am totally and absolutely infatuated with you too, really I am!
Prince Charming (brightening): Well then, let's ride off together on the back of my trusty white steed, away into the sunset without further ado!
Cinderella (sighing) : Aw, hold up a minute here, will 'ya?
Prince Charming (indulgently): Oh my dearest, there is no need to pack, I shall buy for you everything which your little heart may desire, yes, that and even more, just come, take my hand, let's be gone from this unsavoury place.
Cinderella (frozen): Come again?
Prince Charming (puzzled): I am sorry?
Cinderella (eyes wide):Unsavory?
Prince Charming (whispering apologetically): It is a bit smelly..
Cinderella (waving her arms about): Look at these hands - chapped down to the bone so they are! You try cleaning a place this size, with four shitty loo's, a dungeon and God alone knows how many fireplaces in it, with no one, none I might add, but some flea-ridden mice and that hardly ever here half-wit Buttons around here to help. I'd like to see you do any better. Bet you've never even seen a decent day's work in your whole life neither, so's you haven't, Mr. "Bit-Smelly"-Nose-Up-Your-Bum-Condescending-Prick that you are..
Prince Charming (sensing a shift in mood): I meant no offence, truly. Please don't sully this day with a frown, I merely wish to sweep you away and to make you my bride.
Cinderella (suspicious): What happened to dating?
Prince Charming (curious): Dating? We are made for each other darling, who needs to date?
Cinderella (sensing with a sinking heart this guy is serious): Are you serious?
Prince Charming (earnestly): Never more so.
Cinderella (uneasily): Charlie, you're a lovely bloke and all that, sure you are, and um, well, I fancy you something rotten. But honey, I've never dated anyone else before, well, not unless you count Buttons..
Price Charming (jealousy peaking): BUTTONS?
Cinderella (wishing she's buttoned her mouth): Oh, he meant nothing, a big mistake really. I never fancied him much at all.
Prince Charming (thunderstruck): You are not pure??
Cinderella (cringing a bit): Almost.. ish.
Prince Charming (accusingly): You have lain with him?
Cinderella (hugely relieved): Oh Lord no, silly! We stood up all the while, well, more kind of leant back against the wall, in truth. No, no my darling, I never went to bed with him, of course not! What do you take me for? Sheesh!
Prince Charming (heart broken): How could my beloved do such a thing? This doesn't make sense, you are meant to be my only one true love..
Cinderella (shrugging): Snow-White told me that's what her her Prince asked too, after she gave birth to that grumpy dwarf kid of theirs. (Sigh) Look Charlie, I did pretty well at all this waiting business, but you did take one heck of a long time in getting here y'know. What's a girlie s'posed to do?
Prince Charming (aghast): The dwarf kid isn't his?
Cinderella (rolling eyes): Du-uh! See what happens when you rush into things? Now if they'd taken a little time out to court first, got to know each other a bit, maybe he would have realised the real reason the woodsman took her out into the woods in the first place.. I mean, she was actually living with seven guys when they first met!!
Prince Charming (crestfallen): Well, when you put it that way..
Cinderella (glad to have deflected him): Sooo how's about it, Charlie? Fancy a date?
Prince Charming (slightly mollified, mumbling): I hear "Shrek VII" is on at "The Palace".
Cinderella (Jumping up and down, clapping her hands): Ooooh, perfect! 7.30 it is on Friday, then - ooh, now you won't forget to bring the choccies, mind?