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Friday, April 15, 2011

Camelot Rap

Can't say I much miss my knights in tarnished armour (Sir Lancelot and my good King Arthur). No, if I get homesick (which is not a lot) I simply buy scratch cards from Camelot. Oh yeah, Arthur still Twitters me now and then, but he knows I see him as only a friend. And as for that Lancelot, well, he's long split the scene (I say good riddance to bad rubbish, if you get what I mean). Well, it's not that I wanted to mess with his head, but did you hear him complain when I leapt in his bed? It's hardly my fault his lust got him banished, Hell, he was becoming a pain, I'm glad that he's vanished. And the fuss over dear Merlin, sheesh, it t'was naught but a fling! It's bang out of order I was grassed to the king. You sure know who your friends are when the shit starts to fly - seems I have none, they ALL testified. And as for that nonsense about me and the Jester, I'm the innocent here, for t'was me that he pestered.


(Insert bad backing chorus.) "It's the big fat lies that lands a bad rep, exaggerated deeds she came to regret, she wasn't always that sure a bet, she hardly screwed EVERY stud that she met."

Still, to every black cloud there's a silver lining, and you won't see me flailing, whining or pining. It looks like the move has done me some favour, and I find London life has much more to cater. Stuff all those jousts and that poncy round table, I've sampled a life to which I am far more than able. It never sat well being a Lady-in-distress, and I love me car mechanics job, I have to confess. To lube up those gears, tighten the nuts, rev up the engine, tear out it's guts, strip down the dashboard, polish up the hub, giving great service, now that's what I love. Oh, and I've found this new calling, it's sure opened my eyes, it's a huge revelation, and such a surprise! Now don't get me wrong here, lets not be coy, I'm a Lady first always, not like a boy, but with their perfumed silk hair and much smoother chin, can you blame a poor girlie being tempted to sin?

Yes, I've turned a leaf over, clean sworn off the men, found I'm in in clover, been forced to give in. She's turned in her pole, danced her last lap, my new love has snared me and captured my heart. I'm done with the dalliance, deceptions and flings, my new love has taught me there are more precious things. So, fare-thee-well my Camelot, a-lack and adieu, thanks for the memories, I'd be worthless without you. You taught me to scheme, to amuse and play dumb, these talents proved priceless - sheesh - just look where I've come!

(Fade to chorus.)

35 comments:

Maalie said...

Hi Shrinky! I was wondering if you were one of the participants in the record-breaking three-legged race in Tailess-catland over the weekend?

Fletch said...

Oooerrrr!

That's a bit 'deep'!

Now, this just HAS to be 'fiction', because you've disclosed previously that you know sweet Fanny Adams about car maintenance!

Good one, though.

Sniffles and Smiles said...

Hello, Shrinky!! This is fab! I LOVE it!!! What a "Guinevere!!" A great take /allusion to Arthurian legends! I love the way you transition from the courtly to modern...And the rhyme and chorus guarantee that the reader does not miss the incredible irony...This is such fun, and yet, there is an undercurrent of heartache which gives this tremendous depth! I'm soooo glad I came by this morning...What a treat! I meant to just stop by to let you know that I'm going off-line for the week, but I found this gem waiting for me when I arrived!!! Bravo!...As you already know, surgery dogs me again...but I'll be back to see you as soon as I kick the pain killers!!! Love to you, Janine XO

Akelamalu said...

You have a great imagination! LOL

chewy said...

Rap-a-rap-a-rap they call her the rapper.

Farewell Camelot, there are other kingdoms to dance in. Robin Hood better watch himself or Maid Marion might be moving to London too.

SJ said...

What lady would write all those double entendre if I may ask?

I should have never read this when I was hard at work.

Shrinky said...

Hey Maalie, hubby did suggest it, but I declined - blush!

Oh Fletch, think I'd risk breaking one of my polished finger nails on some greasy old banger? Sheesh, perish the thought, as if!

Janine, I am thinking of you love, hope it won't be too long before you are back and shining again. x

Akelamalu, I had a lot of fun writing this - grin.

Chewy, I hear tell Guinivedre spotted her only the other day, as she was coming out of some club in Soho..

SJ, I have absolutely NO idea as to what you are referring to..? (Big, wide, innocent smile)

BRUNO said...

Well, it's WAY-too long for "publishing" on the wash-room walls without gettin' caught!

BUT---maybe if you paste it onto one of those shipping-labels for parcels, it could be a "peel, stick, & run" job...!

Thumbelina said...

Wow - hidden rapper talents? And hidden car maintenance talents?

Go Shrinky!

simon said...

is your new love a ww2 jeep or something?

simon said...

.. like a motor bike? or a Landcruiser tray back....

Shrinky said...

Hey Bruno, sounds like you know what you are talking about here. (Grin.)

Ah Simon, you are such a sweet and innocent boy.. wink.

Shrinky said...

Ah Thumbelina, it's amazing the mischief a bored mind can dream up!

PRH....... said...

If I get homesick, I usually try a Double Drambuie on the Rocks and a good hand rolled Cigar Shrinky...but heck, we all have our vices....:)

Shrinky said...

Pat, the UK Lotto is run by a company called "Camelot" - smile.

imbeingheldhostage said...

I love it! You clever, clever woman!! I love it.

Nancy said...

You are so talented, Shrinky! Really! :-)

TechnoBabe said...

This is some good writing. I can see you smiling and laughing while you write this post. Lots of fun, girl!!

jinksy said...

What a tale for a Friday morning's read! lol :)

CJ said...

Move over 50 Cent, there's a new rapper in town.

Shrinky said...

imbeingheldhostage, awwwwwwwwww, you've just made me toes curl, so's you have (goofy grin)!

Oh Nancy, I wish! This is a product I produced to invent another reason for ignoring my "not-a-book" for yet another day.. eyes skyward.

TechnoBabe, how did you guess? The benefit of a tiny mind is I'm sooo easily amused!!

Ooops, sorry Jinsky, avert your eyes, this alter-ego of mine has grown a life of her own (blush)..

Hey CJ, ooooh, now there's a thought - hey, d'ya' think maybe he'd do the backing chorus???

jay said...

Hahaha! That was fun - and unexpected, too! LOL!

Grandma's scrapbook said...

I'm soooo glad I read this this morning was great. you are great, whether it remained a piece of cake with pictures of the last post mmmm I'd like to try, thank you! I wish you all the best!

Shrinky said...

Hi Grandma's Scrapbook, thanks for the kind words!

X. Dell said...

(1) I always thought that story needed a sequel. As a narrative, I think we all should have left Camelot a long time ago.

(2) I can't remember who said it, but if one is bored with London, she is bored with life. I've come to think that both of London and New York. I'm sure your Guinevere should find plenty of things to occupy her time.

Bandan said...

This was long , and sharp. Something very different :)

And hopefully you will like this:


http://bitsbj.blogspot.com/2011/04/sametime-but-next-season.html

Leave a comment so that I know you've been there :)

tattytiara said...

The true classics find their way into every genre eventually!

foam said...

ahhhahahahahahaha ... i'm so clueless here, but highly amused ....
hehe ...

Skunkfeathers said...

Aye, lass, 'tis not the same aboot the round table:

Sir Lancedaboil: my dragon I slew wuz bigger than yours, Sir Knight.

Sir MilkofMagnesia: ach, Sir Knight, you've been sniffing the court jesters door knob again. You slew a gecko...

Shrinky said...

Hi X-Dell, you sure do know how to give good comments (grin). I think Guinevere has finally found her niche, she was a lady born out of her time..

Shrinky said...

Hi Bandan, good to see you in here, and yes, of course I will leave a comment!

Shrinky said...

Hello Tatty, I always felt poor Guinevere was sadly misunderstood..

Shrinky said...

Shucks Foam, confused is okay, just so long as you are amused!

Shrinky said...

Boys will still be boys, Skunk, Guinevere rests her case!

Charles Gramlich said...

I always figured camelot was overrated!