Can't say I much miss my knights in tarnished armour (Sir Lancelot and my good King Arthur). No, if I get homesick (which is not a lot) I simply buy scratch cards from Camelot. Oh yeah, Arthur still Twitters me now and then, but he knows I see him as only a friend. And as for that Lancelot, well, he's long split the scene (I say good riddance to bad rubbish, if you get what I mean). Well, it's not that I wanted to mess with his head, but did you hear him complain when I leapt in his bed? It's hardly my fault his lust got him banished, Hell, he was becoming a pain, I'm glad that he's vanished. And the fuss over dear Merlin, sheesh, it t'was naught but a fling! It's bang out of order I was grassed to the king. You sure know who your friends are when the shit starts to fly - seems I have none, they ALL testified. And as for that nonsense about me and the Jester, I'm the innocent here, for t'was me that he pestered.
(Insert bad backing chorus.) "It's the big fat lies that lands a bad rep, exaggerated deeds she came to regret, she wasn't always that sure a bet, she hardly screwed EVERY stud that she met."
Still, to every black cloud there's a silver lining, and you won't see me flailing, whining or pining. It looks like the move has done me some favour, and I find London life has much more to cater. Stuff all those jousts and that poncy round table, I've sampled a life to which I am far more than able. It never sat well being a Lady-in-distress, and I love me car mechanics job, I have to confess. To lube up those gears, tighten the nuts, rev up the engine, tear out it's guts, strip down the dashboard, polish up the hub, giving great service, now that's what I love. Oh, and I've found this new calling, it's sure opened my eyes, it's a huge revelation, and such a surprise! Now don't get me wrong here, lets not be coy, I'm a Lady first always, not like a boy, but with their perfumed silk hair and much smoother chin, can you blame a poor girlie being tempted to sin?
Yes, I've turned a leaf over, clean sworn off the men, found I'm in in clover, been forced to give in. She's turned in her pole, danced her last lap, my new love has snared me and captured my heart. I'm done with the dalliance, deceptions and flings, my new love has taught me there are more precious things. So, fare-thee-well my Camelot, a-lack and adieu, thanks for the memories, I'd be worthless without you. You taught me to scheme, to amuse and play dumb, these talents proved priceless - sheesh - just look where I've come!
(Fade to chorus.)