Tuesday, December 29, 2009


So, it's coming up for that time in the year where I'll soon feel compelled to quit smoking again. It's not a problem, it's easy.

I've done it loads of times.

'Course that still leaves my drinking, gambling, womanising, kleptomania, spousal abuse, costly phone-sex addiction, bulimia, and that nasty heroin habit to tackle, but hey, what the hell, reckon I might as well make a start somewhere, eh?

Oh relax, I'm joking. (Not about the ciggies though.)

It's a health issue, I'm dodging bullets I don't need to load. Trouble is, I LOVE smoking, it's a divine, guilty pleasure of mine. Save me the preaching, I am well aware of the down-side - it stinks, makes me ill, threatens the health of those around me, and literally burns a gaping hole in my pocket - you don't need to underline it, blimey, my very own da died of the lung cancer, I've seen first hand the horror it causes.

I've already got the tablets and a few of those emergency nicotine patches in. Come some point in January (depending on when my bulk supply runs out) I'll be forsaking my beloved addiction in search of healthier options.

According to my day-time TV Guru, Dr. Phil ('scuse me as I genuflect), I need to replace the habit with an alternative placebo, something to fill the void. Trouble is, I figure it should be with something enjoyable, and that's where my dear old friend, Dr. Phil, and I seem to lose common ground. See he suggests taking up exercise over chocolate. Don't get me wrong, actually, I am one of those rare women who doesn't happen to like chocolate, the texture of it melting on my tongue gives me nothing short of the screaming heebie-jebbies - ugh - so I have no quarrel at all with continuing to give the sweeties a body-swerve. (Yeah, you always knew I was weird, huh?) But exercise? Pul-eeze, let's get real here, do I look like a woman into masochism?

Face it, "Joy" and "work out" does not belong in the same sentence together.

Placing the endorphin rush and that smug feeling of virtuosity aside, we all know that that only comes after the pain, which kinda' lacks the incentive for me. I liken it to scrubbing the poxy loo's every week, how much satisfaction can be gained, knowing you'll only have to be repeating the process all over again?

I already stroll on the beach every day, surely that's enough, isn't it? Why, that very photo up there was taken only this morning, proof positive I'm semi-mobile!

I'm skinny enough, I don't need to drop any weight, well certainly none a bit of surgery couldn't cure (wink), where's the motivation? I've learned it's not in a woman's DNA to love her body, and have settled into accepting mine is about as good as it'll get for me, lumps and bumps and all - or put another way, at my age it's waaay too late to sweat the detail.

Discounting exercise then, I am casting around for something equally as pleasurable as my present vice, but without the obvious drawback. Any suggestions? All answers considered, but only if it isn't the obviously boring (like, "Focus more on the writing and photography, dear.."), oh, and it must be addressed in the form of a Limerick, otherwise it won't count. Top prize is it might replace my current idea - obsessively stalking all my blogger friends, on-line.

Since you appear to have rather high stakes involved, I would urge you to start writing..


TechnoBabe said...

I'm so glad I left my cigarette habit behind in 1981 because I do believe it is more difficult to quit today. I wish you strength and wisdom to be able to overcome this addiction. It sucks. Pun intended. The times you enjoy the cigarette the most will be the times your craving will be raging. Does your husband smoke? Are you around smoking on a regular basis? Best wishes to you and whatever you decide, you are a lovely woman full of spunk and power. I decided I liked mints and Lifesavers and had them with me all the time.

Mojo said...

Careful what ya wish for luv. You realize of course you've just invited a chorus of naughty poetry to your comment section doncha? I mean limericks?? Don't those all take place in Nantucket? But awright, awright I'll have a lash.

How's this:
If enjoyment is key to the plan,
And you've got a few quid to put da'an
You can fill your need chasm
With a host of orgasm
And for that, my sweet pet, I'm yer man.

Just remember... you did ask. Coerce even. (nudge-nudge wink-wink)

Suldog said...

Labeled "advice', this might be a misnomer

But a good medically-induced coma

Might just save the day

And show you the way

To save your smoky old lungs from blastoma

(Sorry, best I can do. I'll go out and have a smoke and maybe I'll be able to focus better.)

Kristina Hughes said...

I'm right there with you- I love smoking too. I love the fact it gives me 5 minutes to myself away from dealing with whatever life happens to be throwing at me that day...
However, I've stopped smoking for 2 months now - Inhilators...! Seriously worth considering, even though they make you look ridiculous - they are the closest thing to a fag. And I've tried everything in the past.
Still, I love to smoke and miss it madly. Am trying to think of giving up smoking as a new self harming habit - it helps! Good luck.

Leslie: said...

Breathe! Go outside and breathe that wonderful British air you have. If you can stop for a few days, go back to that beach and ask yourself, What can I smell that I didn't notice the last time I was here?" You will be amazed! I quit in January '92 and haven't smoked since. You can always come and live in Vancouver - most people do NOT smoke here as it's such an outdoorsy, sports-minded place. Best of luck.

Leslie: said...

Okay, here's the limmerick:

There once was a lady fair
With beautiful long blonde hair.
She love a smoke
'Specially a toke
Until the day when the chemo left her head bare."

Now, will that help you stop? You asked...

BRUNO said...

Yeah, it's "that" time of the year, again!

Y' know, small, hand-rolled CIGARS are becoming quite acceptable for "those of the feminine-gland" as of lately.

Might be surprised!

And, ya' don't hafta look like ME, either, to enjoy one...!

Mushy said...

The was an old man from Kent,

That's all I know about limericks! I can tell'em, but I can't writ'em!

Get hooked on celery!

chewy said...

Oh! You posted! Limerick? ...let me come back to that after I take a ciggie break.

I want to quit too. We should do it together missy.

smiles4u said...

I so understand how you feel about smoking. I loved to smoke and tried quitting numerous times...once I even quit for 2 years! I had my last cigarette on April 5 of this year. I still miss it but it is better. What I did was exercise. I went for a speed walk every time I could when I had the desire, which seemed to be all the time. Ugh. A couple of months ago I had to quit working out because of my injuries so now I am feeling the desire to smoke more. Ugh. I pray to God I don't lose my will to stay smoke free.

We have taken the money we would have spent on the smokes and put it away each week to go towards a treadmill since it's hard to go out walking in the winter and with 2 kidlets.

You are smart to be looking for something or some activity to replace it with that you will enjoy. Good luck with this!

SJ said...

Workouts do make me happy
Haven't smoked a ciggie
I still fail to be healthy
Or wise or wealthy.

Shrinky said...

Hey TechnoBabe, no I am fortunate to be surrounded by non-smokers, no one I know smokes but me! Thanks for all the postive words, it means a lot (smile).

Mojo!! (slapping your wrists) Go wash your mouth out with carbolic soap, this instant..! Naughty boy, tut-tut.

Haha, that's priceless Suldog, and an induced coma sounds good to me, cheers hon!

Kristina, firsly, thanks for stopping by my blog, and many congratulations on sticking with the quitting. You know, inhalors may well be a good route to check out, thanks for the tip, I think I'll check it out.

Great limerick Leslie, and yes, it does help - eeek! One thing I do recall is how good everything smelt and tasted when I did quit, yes, that sure is one thing worth looking forward to recovering.

Oh Bruno, knowing me, that would only swap one addiction over for a new one - grin - but thanks for the suggestion (x)

Celery, Mushy?? Now I know you're nuts (giggle)..

Chewy, didn't we try this one time before? (Laughing) I am up for it if you are, yeah? Secod time lucky!

Lori, can you believe I quit for over 16 years? I only restarted about five years or so back, fool that I was. And I have a confession to make - I have a treadmill gathering dust upstairs in my dressing room - as I recall, I stopped using it around the same time I started smoking again. Who knows? I might find the incentive to get back on it one day (no promises, mind)!

Ah SJ, bravo! You are young (sigh), work outs are easier at your stage in life - believe me, this I know.

Akelamalu said...

I gave up smoking 12 years ago on the 1st January, cold turkey. I just made up my mind and did it. See that's the secret you HAVE TO WANT TO GIVE UP or you're just wasting you time - I know I'd given up twice before! As an incentive why not buy yourself something nice every week with the money you save not smoking until you are no longer craving ciggies.

Good luck with it m'dear - it does take a lot of will power.

*Goddess* said...

CELERY?! I'm gonna have to find out what it is Mushy is smoking in those ceegars.

I was just discussing this exercise dilemma with my chiropractor. He LOVES anything physical. And he LOVES pushing his body to the limits. The minute I face a challenge exercising I whimp out. I love exercise and then I hate it and I don't know what changes for me, but it's like turning on a light switch. I just wish I could get it back to the "on" position...sigh.

Good luck and happy new year!

jay said...

You know what I'm going to say
But it's easy, it's cheap and OK
You can just swap the smoke
For this wonderful bloke:
Give up smoking the 'Depp movies' way!

Seriously - I can't eat and watch the man. One pleasure at a time, baby!

Good luck! ;)

Kristina Hughes said...

Hello again - thanks so much for your lovely comment on my blog - it really is good to have some input from someone further down this path than I am! Wise words. I love your style of writing too. And Inhilators - Nicorette - over the counter things but free to anyone that joins an NHS stop smoking group (also worth a try - the force of group desperation is quite powerful). Good luck - timing is all... x

Shrinky said...

Yeah, you are right Akelamalu, I did the same cold turkey quit and stuck to it for around 15yrs, but we were planning to start our family back then, so the stakes were higher I guess. Shrug.

Hi Goddess, happy New Year hon! About a decade back I was a regular gym user, truth be told I never enjoyed it. I might dust off the treadmill upstairs, depends how desperate I get.. we'll see.

Oh Jay (clapping hands) that's a stroke of pure brilliance - haha! That's one definitely worth bearing in mind, cheers love!

Kristina, I'm so pleased you stopped back, I've been thinking of you. Your post brought me right back to the nightmare days, I honestly look back in wonder as to how we survived and came through them. But we did. I never thought we would, back then it was impossible to look forward more than one day at a time. It felt my life was over, stolen to autism. I retreated and cut myself off from the "normal" world outside, it hurt less that way. Please feel free to email me if you would like to, there are a couple of organisiations I would definitely urge you NOT to become involved with! Hope 2010 brings you and yours a peaceful, loving year ahead (x).

Mojo said...

Oh c'mon luv. You know you liked the idea just a little bit dincha?

No? Well... I could furnish references, but that'd be indiscreet now wouldn't it?

Sniffles and Smiles said...

How about cappuccino? My mother had a terrible time quitting as well...but she never gave up her coffee...and personally, I think cappuccino is divine... ;-) You'll be much in my are very brave...quitting is very hard...and I'm with you...the exercise just doesn't do the trick...doesn't seem like a way to spoil yourself...and that's the kind of replacement you need!!!! As always, you tackle life with your wonderful honesty and good humor!! This post was great fun to read!!! Best wishes to you, dearest Shrinky, in the New Year...or should I say, New Decade!?! I'm soooo glad I met you in 2009!!!! I truly treasure your friendship!!!! And look forward to facing off 2010 alongside you!!!!! Love you much!! Janine XO

Hilary said...

I wrote this before reading the comments and now I see that Mojo would probably be willing to help you with this limerick suggestion. ;) No doubt Sully would too..

There was a fine blogger named Shrinky
Who wished to quit smoking - so stinky
To make the habit an ex
Replace it with sex
And avoid the mundane - go for kinky.

david mcmahon said...

Just don't run out of puff. All the very best to you and the clan for 2010.

simon said...

Smoking is good_ whats a giggle ... I never get addicted... and can go for ages ( years even) without it! :o0

Happy new year

Scott from Oregon said...

I just did a six and a half mile New Year's day run and let me tell you... it was joyful...

Alex L said...

So you want to give up smoking
Maybe you aren't joking
Something to replace?
Your husband to give chase
And give you a real good po...

Um... well it could work. hmmm, seems Mojo and I had the same idea, great minds hey, great dirty filthy minds...

Maalie said...

The answer is perfectly obvious. Sex gives a much better endorphin rush then anything else and burns up huge amounts of calories at the same time.

Glorious views of Tailesscatland from Mintcakeland fells yesterday!

Oh, Happy Gnu Year!

Shrinky said...

Ah Mojo, I'll put it down to all the mulled wine you've been imbibing recently (smile)..

Hello Janine, 'fraid I'm not much of a coffee drinker really, but I am virtually hooked up to an intravenous drip for all the tea I drink - trouble is, it's my habit to have a cigarette with a cuppa', so I'm not sure that's likely to help much. I think I may need to resort to plain old will power, after all (sigh). Happy New Year sweet lady, I hope this new decade starts with the best of years for you and yours (hugs).

Hahaha - HILARY!! - (eyes on stalks) Trouble with that is I always crave a ciggie afterwards (well, that's if it was any good, I do)!! Giggle.

Hey David, how wonderful to hear from you, my friend! Hope life is treating you well? A very happy new year to you, I wish you all that is good for 2010 (x).

Oh Simon, that used to be my boast when I quit for years, I could happily smoke an OP (other peoples) once every couple of months and think nothing of it. It was the long weekend I stayed with my best friend that scuppered me. Sigh.

Scott, you are in danger of sounding smug here (wink)! Hubby runs marathons and cycles for miles - I'm tired of being told the joys of it all, makes me want to lie down in a darkened room..

Eeek, Alex, what is it with guys and their libido's? I'm "chased" plenty enough as it is by him, he needs no further encouragement, believe me!

Hi Maalie (waving to you in Mintcakeland), I thought I might have to ask you to return my hound the other day, he swam out so far I felt sure he was off to see you! 'Fraid these days I've decided sex is much over rated, it's such a lot of hassle for - oh well, let's not get into that (grin).

imbeingheldhostage said...

You seriously want me to come up with a limerick? Where's David from Authorblog when you need him?!

I am right there with exercise NOT being a word that can fit in the same sentence as joy-- walking, hiking, swimming-- those are fun and they don't count as exercise, but you will get skinnier...
Good luck!

Sniffles and Smiles said...

Okay, so I MUST tell you, dear Carol...your NEW Profile Photo is ABSOLUTELY FAB!!!!! You look positively radiant... gorgeous... In fact, you'd better be careful...the paparazzi are just around the corner ;-) Love you so much!!! Happy New Year!!! ~Janine OXXOXO

PRH....... said...

Hope you and the family had the best of Christmas Seasons, and hoping for all a great 2010 Shrinky!

Shrinky said...

imbeigheldhostage, hi there hon, oh crap, so many people can't be wrong, can they? Guess I'll check it out - sigh.

Oh Janine, my hands are hands up, this photo has been hugely mucked around with in photoshop, but hey, it is my most recent one - taken on New Years Eve, no less (and who needs surgery when you have photoshop, eh?). I am so glad we are friends too, sweet lady, you always light up the day! x

Hey there Pat! Yup, it was a good one in the end, though now it's all passed, I have to confess I am looking forward to returning back to normality for a bit. Hope yours was as equally as good!

Seattle Boy said...

What about a cruise through the Roaring Forties?

Shrinky said...

Seattle Boy, hey - you got a hidden camera in my sitting room? You spotted that bust of Humphrey Bogart I have up on high, huh?

"You know how to whistle, don't you?"

mrsnesbitt said...

Ok...a little ditty...

life's not all slog
when you can blog
As a happy Wag
Have a fag
On the beach...

ok ok I'll go away and think about it...infact I knw just the person to call.....Denise calling Brenda! Come in Brenda!

Debbie said...

You are so funny. Good thing I can't do limericks.