Monday, February 14, 2011

What's in a Name?

Youngest (Circa 1998)
Youngest:  So Flora was your mum's name?

Me:  Yup.

She:  And my middle name is in honour of her?"

Me (stunned):  Good Lord, no.  No, you're named in honour of Flora Margarine, y'know, the substitute spread for butter?"

She (frowning): Come again?

Me (laughing):  Oh, it's a looong story..

She (suspicious):  You serious?

Me:  Well yeah, I am.  See Flora Margarine sponsored the London Marathon that year.

She:  I'm not with you.

Me:  That was the first marathon your dad ever ran.

She:  So?

Me:  Um.  That's why your dad decided to postpone the vasectomy he'd previously booked until after the race.  He had a change of heart, didn't think it wise to have all his manly bits interfered with only just one short week before the off, and all .. 

She (spluttering):  WHAT??

Me (sweetly innocent):  What?

She:  You telling me I was a mistake??????


Me  (trying not to dig too deep a hole):  Don't be daft, course not, nah, why you, you my darling were er, well lets just say - more of a lovely surprise, that's all.

She:  Oh, that's charming, that is.  Not only was I not wanted, you only have to go and  name me after a big, fat greasy tub of lard, as well.  

Me: Rubbish, it's only we never knew how much we wanted you until you arrived, and I'll have you know, I am actually, personally very, very grateful to that Margarine company, so there!  You should take it as a compliment..

She (spinning on her heel):  I do not need to hear this.

Me (exasperated, calling after her):  You were the one who asked!

Honestly, hard as I try, I will never understand kids.  


Matt Conlon said...


I have 3 older brothers who were 13, 14, and 15 when I was born. My birthday is Sept 21st... And I was shy of 2 weeks early. Hrm... a little backwards math... 40ish weeks brings us to the holiday season? Perhaps there was a little celebrating? perhaps on NYE?

I can definitely relate to be a "surprise"!

Saz said...

i was a mistake too...ha ha

saz x

mrsnesbitt said...

I was born EXACTLY 9 months after the wedding! Hmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!

Bathwater said...

I'd rather be named for a tub of lard than BE a tub of lard I guess.

Portia said...

My mom had two kids in September and said that they were both "Happy New Year" babies. LOL

Mine were both planned but getting pregnant was not all that easy for me. I think you handled it well since we want to be truthful to the kids. They can sniff out a lie, yes, even a little white lie, better than a bloodhound!

Hilary said...

Oh you're a nasty tease! Very funny though. :)

Jillsy Girl said...

I was supposed to be born in January but my Dad wanted the tax deduction, so my Mom drank Castor Oil before she went to bed on December 30th and I was born 7AM Dec. 31st!

Kittie Howard said...

My hub's a marathoner and can't wait for him to call (on business trip) to tell him about your post. He's going to love it. As do I. This is great!

Kristina Hughes said...

Well, if I'd been born a boy, then I'd have been christened Fleming! Flem for short, dear God!! Not sure if marathons were involved (eugh) but Danish lineage is as bad!! Hooray for girls! xx

Kate said...

'We never knew how much we wanted you until after you arrived'. A truer sentence was never spoken, Shrinky! But, naming your kid after a vat of lard? That has to hurt!

Pat Tillett said...

I'm one of four boys in my family. Each of us was a "mistake."

I hope you're having a good Valentine's day!

ED BULEY said...

I know what you mean man.

There was a hill top
where I used to see,
all of my life's possibilities in front of me.
Four decades later,
I returned to see
that none of it, would ever be.

The Delaware River meanders gracefully down to the sea by journeying through the magnificently forested hills of The Catskills Mountains first. A lonesome train track follows it's meanderings, also heading south to the sea. I was 14 years old when I first climbed Seminary Hill and saw this splendid sight.

There was a 30-foot statue of Jesus Christ on a cross high up on Seminary Hill. The image was ghostly against blackening skies, even more so during lightning storms. The Castle-like Seminary was spread out over the level acreage at the bottom of The Hill.

Below the Seminary, lies the Town Of Callicoon and The Delaware River. I went way out of my way on a sunny day, about 6 or 7 years ago, to return to Seminary Hill, but I never anticipated the subsequent flood of emotions that resulted from looking down that river valley... and all of those years... again.

Quite accidentally, not long after my return to Seminary Hill, a former seminarian from my class was put in touch with me, and even though we were once very close friends, I couldn't place him when we met again. He had none of the looks, characteristics, or mannerisms of the person that I once knew. He was kind enough to bring me up to date regarding fellow mates and such, but as he talked, I looked into his unfamiliar eyes and felt like I was back up on Seminary Hill, again... searching for the guy that I once knew.

BRUNO said...

I guess I was planned---I mean, I AM here, y' know! (Even though I was pretty-much referred-to as an asshole---at least they didn't name me Preparation-H!☺)

I like that comment left by PAT TILLET, up-there in your list, about "mistakes"!☺

So, to paraphrase his comment: ALL of our family was EQUAL, in the sense we were ALL-"mistakes", maybe?

But---me an' "big-Sis" grew out of it, unfortunately for the "others"...!

Erika said...

HAHAHA!!!! I love a name with a good story.

SJ said...

Who ISN'T a mistake?

Rock Chef said...

Fantastic! What a great story.

Of course, I can see why she was upset too...

Anonymous said...

"Flora" is a better choice than "Margarine". (nudge)

TechnoBabe said...

Did you make up that story on the spot just to get her?

Akelamalu said...

Lucky it wasn't 'Stork' that sponsored the marathon that year isn't it? LOL

mythopolis said...

Well, one of my children I refer to as my draft dodger baby because back then, if you had a child or were expecting, they would defer your draft into the Vietnam war. Another child has the initials SDS. I told him it stood for Students for a Democratic Society! Peace!


you are soooo bad

Putz said...

what a revelation, and can i emphaie , i mean empathize with her><<>she didn't asked to be told all that even if she did ask, what a revelation, i looked at my parents marriage date on september 18th , 1941 and my birthday on april 3rd 1942, so you do the math, married september and me right after in april, with those two documents you don't need anything else

secret agent woman said...

I remember my father used to love to say I was conceived on New Year's. I did NOT need that information.

Lori said...

LOL Aren't these kids fun? Some mistakes or surprises are the very best kind and bring us the greatest blessings in the end.

tattytiara said...

Laughed all the way through this, oh thank you for the chuckles!

Merisi said...

It must be so exciting to have a mum like you.
You never know what truth hits you next! *giggles*

(I always tell my kids to book a therapist at the first onset of troubles.)

Skunkfeathers said...

My two older sisters came along at 2 year two younger brothers came along at 2 year intervals...I came along 11 months after my younger/older sister.

Oops ;-)

At least I wasn't named after a 'spread' LOL...

Joanna Jenkins said...

Hysterical.... I would have loved to been a fly on the wall for that conversation. The facial expressions and body language would have been something to see :-)
xo jj

Debra W said...

I, too, have one of those lovely surprises and there is nothing in the world that I would do to change it:)

Stopping by from Sabi's blog to say hello. I look forward to reading more of your posts.


Anonymous said...

Hilarious! What a great story to go with the name. I'm sure one day she'll appreciate it. Maybe.

She Writes said...

I loved this :).

Shopgirl said...

Thanks for the laugh. This is too funny. Conversations like this keeps me young while I wash off the unrecognizable slim mine lovely angle had just splat all over the house.

And... my mom always told me I came from the garbage can.

Wandering Star said...

Ha! Better Flora than Stork, I guess :-)

Middle Child said...

Flora margarine hahahahaha!

Jinksy said...

Kids and names seem to go together like oil and water, sometimes! Hehehe!

Parabolic Muse said...

I have read all the latest posts during lunch, and this just made me laff and laff. It sounds like somethin me mum and me coulda had.


Anna said...

Shrinky, lol, that was funny. I like the 'lovely surprise' phrase too. Anna :)

365 Attempts (At Life) said...

hahahahahaha!! "tub of lard" Oh that laugh almost had me choking on my linguini. (I eat and read...dangerous sport I know). Great dialogue.