(He always looks taken hostage in any pose with me, all that's missing from this shot is a current newspaper to confirm life.)
I barely recognised the tramp I picked up from the airport.
"Where did you get that cardigan, Matt?"
"Nice, isn't it? It was only 20p from the Oxfam shop.."
Apparently, his jeans were also a snip, at a mere £1.50. (Personally, I think he was robbed.) This, coming from the lad who usually won't be seen dead in anything but designer threads. Methinks he's over-playing the starving student role a little, all for my benefit. Doesn't fool me. Stupid boy doesn't realise I often peek into his Face Book site via Abby's page, take it from me folks, he never steps out on the town looking like this.
Still, it was great to see him, it being his first weekend home since Christmas. With most of his friends still scattered across the mainland, he stuck fairly close to base, enjoying some quality time with us. I waved him off this morning with a clutch of vitamins and a promise to phone home more often (eternal optimist that I am).
I no sooner close the front door, than the hound exits Matt's room chewing on a foil wrapped condom.
..On the bright side, guess it could have been worse. (Eeewwwwww.)
Talking of kids.. Bec has cost me a virtual fortune recently on her huge needle-phobia. Vaccinations are always a nightmare with her. When she needed bloods drawn a little while ago, I literally had to place my knee on her chest and pin her arms down, with her screaming high blue, bloody murder all the while, for the poor nurse to get anywhere near her.
As Bec has threatened to slap me with a law suit should I ever contemplate trying anything like that again, I thought I might cast around for an alternative solution. Enter the
thieving charlatan who mugged me of £150 nice, if woolly, young hypnotherapist lady who specialises in such matters. Three hourly sessions and one DVD later, (and with Bec's best friend also in tow, to help support and prompt her throughout her next up-coming vaccination) I eventually get a phonecall from the school nurse -Beccy's gone AWOL again.
And there was me hoping for third time lucky, eh? (Mutter, mutter..)
So now she needs a filling. Out of earshot, I ask the dentist, "Um, when she comes, can't you just hide the needle behind your back, and surprise her?"
"Um, we're not allowed to do that, besides, she'd probably bite me."
"Well, how about you jack her mouth open first?"
"Er, that would constitute assault.."
Oh, and don't even think about gas, she is equally as phobic about that, too. Hey-ho.
Still, I needn't have worried, she'd already escaped out the back exit whilst we were chatting.
Girl has trust issues.