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Monday, March 7, 2011

Nice Try, Matt


(He always looks taken hostage in any pose with me, all that's missing from this shot is a current newspaper to confirm life.)

I barely recognised the tramp I picked up from the airport.

"Where did you get that cardigan, Matt?"

"Nice, isn't it?  It was only 20p from the Oxfam shop.."

Apparently, his jeans were also a snip, at a mere £1.50.  (Personally, I think he was robbed.)   This, coming from the lad who usually won't be seen dead in anything but designer threads.  Methinks he's over-playing the starving student role a little, all for my benefit.  Doesn't fool me.  Stupid boy doesn't realise I often peek into his Face Book site via Abby's page, take it from me folks, he never steps out on the town looking like this.

Still, it was great to see him, it being his first weekend home since Christmas.  With most of his friends still scattered across the mainland, he stuck fairly close to base, enjoying some quality time with us.  I waved him off this morning with a clutch of vitamins and a promise to phone home more often (eternal optimist that I am).

I no sooner close the front door, than the hound exits Matt's room chewing on a foil wrapped condom.

..On the bright side, guess it could have been worse.  (Eeewwwwww.)

Talking of kids..  Bec has cost me a virtual fortune recently on her huge needle-phobia.  Vaccinations are always a nightmare with her.  When she needed bloods drawn a little while ago, I literally had to place my knee on her chest and pin her arms down, with her screaming high blue, bloody murder all the while, for the poor nurse to get anywhere near her.  

As Bec has threatened to slap me with a law suit should I ever contemplate trying anything like that again, I thought I might cast around for an alternative solution.  Enter the thieving charlatan who mugged me of £150 nice, if woolly, young hypnotherapist lady who specialises in such matters.  Three hourly sessions and one DVD later, (and with Bec's best friend also in tow, to help support and prompt her throughout her next up-coming vaccination) I eventually get a phonecall from the school nurse -Beccy's gone AWOL again.

And there was me hoping for third time lucky, eh?  (Mutter, mutter..)

So now she needs a filling.  Out of earshot, I ask the dentist, "Um, when she comes, can't you just hide the needle behind your back, and surprise her?"

"Um, we're not allowed to do that, besides, she'd probably bite me." 

"Well, how about you jack her mouth open first?"

"Er, that would constitute assault.." 

Bloomin' Wimp.

Oh, and don't even think about gas, she is equally as phobic about that, too.  Hey-ho. 

Still, I needn't have worried, she'd already escaped out the back exit whilst we were chatting.

Girl has trust issues.

50 comments:

mrsnesbitt said...

Student days eh? Crisp sandwiches - bliss!

Akelamalu said...

He's saving his best clothes for hitting the the town - nowt wrong with that! ;)

My eldest had/has needle phobia - not nice.

Kristina Hughes said...

Hee Hee - still giggling wildly about the 70's "retro" look - very now, I hear. I could swear blind that those jeans used to belong to my first boyfriend.... don't suppose they have a vintage name tag in them?! And the needles - oh dear - at least you won't have a teenage Botox junkie on your hands, then (giggles secretly at another Botox story!!) xxx

Rock Chef said...

Um, trust issues? When you are suggesting that the dentist ambushes her with his needle? She obviously knows what is going on! :-)

In our case we just tend to encourage bravery with the promise of something nice afterwards...

Travis Erwin said...

This post made me smile. Especially, the it could have been worse.

Pat Tillett said...

One of our kids had a total needle phobia. We had the same battle over her having blood drawn. I left the place because it was so embarassing! My wife finally got her to do it (under threat of death).

I remember when my son went off to college. We drove up to pick him up for christmas and were SHOCKED! The clean cut you man we dropped off there just a few months earlier hadn't shaved or cut his hair in all that time. The next time we picked up (4 months after that) he looked like belonged in a hippie commune. All the nice clothes we gave him to start the school year were replaced by thrift shop mis-mash! He was attending what is called by many the most liberal university in the world with very few rules. Apparently there was no rule to not actually waste your parents money either... Oh well, "all's well that ends sort of okay..."

mythopolis said...

Well, at least he isn't into that trend in some groups to wear your pants half-down your butt! That one drives me crazy!

Does Bec not have any piercings? Maybe before going to the dentist she should down a tranquiilzer. Or maybe a big swig of whisky!

Margaret Benbow said...

I agree with Rock Chef that the right bribe can encourage bravery...after all, they DESERVE something nice for overcoming fear! I seem to remember fixing my kids' favorite meals (dripping dead-red-beast hamburgers and desserts of sugar and butter rolled in chocolate) after their visits to the dentist...

mythopolis said...

By the way, when Matt is done with his cardigan, I would like to buy it from him. (Seriously!)

Portia said...

I have a dental phobia as well. Got over the needle thing with my two pregnancies!

Good luck!!

secret agent woman said...

Needlephobe that I am, my sympathies are with your daughter. (And with you, too, of course!)

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

tell him I said the 80's called and they want their sweater back.

Shrinky said...

Hi Denise, yeah, the lad was glad for some good old home cooking!

Shrinky said...

Hi Akelamalu, I think he dressed solely for the sympathy vote, meself! How did your eldest conquer the phobia?

Shrinky said...

Kristina, your ex-boyfriend?? I recall my DAD wearing one of those darn cardigans! You mentioned the "B" word (running screaming for the room with soft walls)..!! ((x))

Shrinky said...

Oh Rock Chef, we've tried all kinds of bribery, believe me! The problem is logic has nothing to do with it, it's an all out phobia, her mind checks out the minute she sees a needle.

Shrinky said...

Hi Travis, och, that lad will be the death of me, so he will (wink)!

Shrinky said...

Haha, Pat, oh I completely understand the embarrassment experience of having a screaming Banshee in a public place - shudder.. As for your son (giggle), it's good to know I am not alone. Guess there is hope for light at the end of the tunnel!

Shrinky said...

Dan, thankfully he now seems to have outgrown that particular fashion fad! But as for the tranquilliser route - you know, I'd never thought of that - I think you may well be on to something there - thanks for that, I may well check it out!

Shrinky said...

Margaret, sadly this isn't a rational fear she has, no amount of reward (believe me, we have tried), can overcome her bolt reaction. She is as equally mortified as we are at her inability to go under the needle. I had such high hopes for the hypnosis, now I am virtually at a loss as to where to go from here.

Shrinky said...

Dan, you are shameless (giggle)..!

mythopolis said...

Thanks, Shrnky, I resemble that remark....!

Shrinky said...

Portia, I have NO IDEA how Beccy will ever cope with pregnancy, I am rather concerned about that, another reason I am keen to try to overcome her phobia sooner rather than later (sigh).

Shrinky said...

Cheers Secret Agent, all joking aside, it truly is a very difficult situation to deal with.

Shrinky said...

Haha, oh Jackie, I'll be sure to tell him - too funny!

Shrinky said...

OMG Dan, you snuck up on me, and made me jump! Haaaaaaaaaa, I did a double take there.. (I'll get you back when you least expect it.)

TechnoBabe said...

I wouldn't be any help at all with the dentist thing. I lost a crown over two years ago and am dealing with the pain rather than go to the dentist. We all have our issues and we deal with them the way that works with us. Are the vaccinations mandatory? Does she have to get the shots? I know they have the air pressure shots.

Shrinky said...

Tecchnobabe, air-pressure shots?? That's a new one on me, what are they? Ooooh, please do tell, I'm waiting with my ears pinned back! No, the vaccinations are optionable, but advisable, this recent one is against cervical cancer, which I would like for her to be protected against. However, as life goes on, she truly does need to overcome her phobia, or life could get extremely uncomfortable..

Skunkfeathers said...

I've had trust issues with dentists for going on 50 years ;-)

Raven said...

My Midget is the same way with vaccinations. She absolutely refused to get a flu shot this year. As she's 15 now and I am no longer physically able to pin her down, I guess she'll just have to get the flu.

Rock Chef said...

What happened to Doggy Dentures? It appeared on my blog list...

Shrinky said...

Raven, Bec is coming up for 16, I CAN still pin her down, but she'll bad mouth me if I do (and probably get me arrested)!

Shrinky said...

Oh Shit, Rock Chef, that was meant to be posted as a draft, not published! Sorry 'bout that (blush).

Suldog said...

She doesn't like the gas? I loved it. I almost looked forward to being drilled and filled just to get more of that good stuff.

PRH....... said...

Just a note to let you know I'm still alive and stop by on occasion Shrink....the wonders of Cyber~Space.

Good Stuff as usual.

PRH

Laura Howard said...

I think I'd be running fir that padded room after the pooch found the condom blech!! Boys!! And your girl sounds like my 6 yo son , he goes into full hysterics too... Good times!

tattytiara said...

Afraid of the gas? Why, that's like being afraid of candy and pixies and rainbows!

I like the gas.

Valium maybe?

Shrinky said...

Haha, Jim, you are shameless!

Shrinky said...

Hey there pat, welcome back, I've missed you my friend!

Shrinky said...

Yi, yi, yi Laura, I only wish I could tell you it gets easier.. (grin)!

Shrinky said...

I'm with you, Tatty - but as she already lives in wonderland, I'm guessing gas would be too much of an overload? Valium.. yeah, that may well be worth a try - thanks!

mythopolis said...

I am trying to track a potential problem. I have your site, like all sites I follow, linked with sub-head, listing your latest post. Well, since yesterday, your site lists a sub-heading of "Doggy Dentures" (not a joke), yet when I click on your site, it brings me here to Nice Try Matt. So, either you did such a post I cannot find, or a spam link got attached to your address. I wonder if anyone else has had such a curious problem? (If you go to my site and scroll my links, you will see how your address is currently reading).

Shrinky said...

Well dip me in treacle and sanblast me in sprinkles - Doggie dentures - arghhhhhh!! Yes, um, that was me, Dan (blush). Darn post was meant to go to draft, not publish.. but here it's still come back to bite me on the bum. In fairness, it was only up for all of five seconds. Sorry, hon.

mythopolis said...

Haha...how funny! What does 'treacle' mean? I tried to enable Goggle trans-literation, but was told 'Shrinky' is not a language they know of! : )

Shrinky said...

Haaaaaaaaaaa, Google doesn't speak Shrinky?? Little wonder I keep falling over my feet in here! Treacle? Um, msde of black mollasses, think Maple Syrup, but black and stickier!

Mushy said...

Ha, "chewing on a foil wrapped condom"! Brought back a nasty memory of hearing the squeaking of a condom as a small boy coming from my parent's bedroom. I thought my dad chewed on the strange things I often found under his pillow!

Yuck!

Parabolic Muse said...

oh, you make me laff.

Barbara Shallue said...

Ah, kids. They keep us on our toes, don't they? And I'm glad to hear someone else's kid won't be 'friends' with them on FB! (and yes, it could be worse!)

Anna said...

Shrinky I don't know about the jeans, but the sweater got to go, lol, lol, lol. Dentist stories come to my mind now, lol, we never had any freezing done for fillings or pulling teeth back 30 years ago. We had dentist in school, and kids either escaped or were dragged to the room. It was nasty experience to see. Anna :)

Matt Conlon said...

Dentists and I have a love / hate relationship. SO darned expensive to get anything done around here, and there's a fair amount of work I could still use.

The cardigan... Are you sure there's not a young lass who gave it to him or something like that??