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Friday, April 22, 2011

Kids just show up at our door clutching their own sleeping bags now.

Busily serving up pancakes for 12, through the window I spot the back of a midget escaping up the drive.

"Abby, is that one of yours?"

"Um, no.. she's with Matt."

"WHAT??"

He's still asleep in his pit when I confront him. 

"Relax, she's 21, just short."

RELAX??  As he uses the house for a knocking shop? 

I don't think so.

I bloody well hope they used protection, he only met the drunken slapper the night before.  Talk about disrespectful - sheesh - and as for the the boy himself, well he is nothing short of a slutty tart, isn't he?  I ask you, what kind of an example is that to show his siblings?

Och yes, yes, of course, sure he's nearly 20 -  I'm not that daft, I know there's a fair amount of casual bed-hopping  going on between the young, free and single, but I'll be damned if he's going to be dragging his carrying's on back here under his parents roof, there are some things I just don't need to see.

"Well, but you weren't meant to see her, were you?  If she'd only gotten her bum up there thirty seconds earlier, you would still have been none the wiser."  

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr..

Mind, as if my other's are any angels.

"Bec, how come you and your mates were camped out in the living room last night?  Unlike Abby's, your room has ample space enough, you knew she was planning on using the sofa's for her sleepover - seven of them had to cram themselves into her tiny room, that's ridiculous."

"No one was here when we got back, I thought they were sleeping over somewhere else."

EH?????????

Bec and her mates came home after I went up to bed, I knew they were at a birthday party, and wouldn't arrive in 'til around 1am.  When I'd gone off upstairs, I'd left my youngest and her pals cosied up to a bowl of popcorn, watching the start of a good movie.

I eyeball Abby as they and she squirm.

"Well, thing is, we got bored, and decided to play football down by the river.."

Shit.  Little buggers.  Their parents would likely have a fit if they knew.  I'm gobsmacked.  Though not that gobsmacked that I can't still first read them all the riot act.  Talk about betrayal of trust..

Hang on.

"Bec, that still doesn't explain why you crashed out in the living room..?"

"V threw up in my bed."

V (Bright scarlet) "Sorry."

WTF??? 

"YOU LOT WERE DRINKING?"

Chorus of denial.  I'm meant to believe she had a stomach bug.

And there was me thinking it was Sam tuppence short of a shilling - blimey, pardon me, looks like he's actually the only sane kid in this entire asylum.  Sagely lying low, he's scarpered out into the garden dragging a reluctant Jake along (the poor mutt obviously hasn't had a wink of sleep all night, and is now literally howling at the back door to be allowed to crash in his basket).

Being no fool, hubby, in training for the marathon, left early this morning for his run, so (surprise, surprise) I'm the only crappy parent left around this place to dole out all the indignation, threats and groundings.

It's not like I don't try to play happy families.  This week I treated us all to lunch out by the quayside.  It was a glorious day, and the outdoor table at the Mexican restaurant proved the perfect spot.  I and their dad were the only ones to make any effort at all at conversation, no one wanted to engage.  With no school or college, they don't function until after 2pm, and even when they do, it's only if they are surrounded by a mob of self-styled clones.

Much as I love them, they're driving me nuts. 

So yup, sure looks to be shaping up to be yet another lively Easter over here at the Shrinky camp.

(Sloping off to check on-line flights to Timbuktu..)

52 comments:

Marty said...

That sounds A LOT like events around here... it really DOES get crazier as the kids get older. I keep reminding my wife to think of how WE acted at that age.

While your checking on-line look to see what flights to Chicago cost. My wife and I could sure use someone else who will actually talk at the dinner table.

Sandi McBride said...

Okay, I snorted coffee thru my nose as rememberences of boys of the household past skittered thru my head and I'm thinking thank God it's someone else's turn to go daff over life!
hugs to you, because it doesn't get any better
lol
Sandi

Bathwater said...

Remember they take three times the rope you give and seldom understand the concept of right or wrong.

Barbara Shallue said...

Oh, my sympathies to you! With every age there are challenges, right? Hope you have a good Easter anyway!!

Fen said...

ha ha and that's why I moved out pretty much as soon as I was 18!! Mind you I was pretty tame til my mid 20's!

Deep breaths hon.

Jayne said...

Oh what a lively bunch you are! I'm glad I don't have to worry about such antics just yet. Or do I?! AAAHHH!

Shopgirl said...

So things don't just ease up when they get older huh? Maybe I ought to plan ahead on booking that flight then...

Love how you captured these chorals of dialogues, and how you peppered them with your own reflective thoughts.

Akelamalu said...

Boy have you got your hands full!!!!

mythopolis said...

Oh dear! Judge Judy is fond of saying that the way you know your teen is lying is if his/her lips are moving!
I remember my son, planning to stay home while his mom and I took a weekend away, asking if he could surprise us by re-arranging the furniture while we were gone. He said he liked to work on 'design' things like that. Well, the real design was that he was planning to move all the furniture out of the house in order to make room for an all-night rave with his pals. Realizing he might not replace everything just right, he came up with the idea of re-arranging the furniture as a surprise for us!!! Clever boy...almost.

SJ said...

Go Matt... I mean...really good post...ahem

li said...

"Knocking shop!" (Shrieks with laughter.) Oh, that's a new one on me! Thank you!

Leslie: said...

I only started learning what my girls were up to AFTER they left home! And both survived those years with me none the wiser - at that time, I was on my own as their parent(s) so I was probably a bit thick about things. So now I can only laugh (with pretend horror) that they got away with it. Love your expression knocking up - that's a new one for me! Hang in there - I bet teens in Timbuktu are just as bad.

Ms. A said...

I remember those days, much too well! (even with my crappy memory)

chewy said...

hee-hee-hee-hee - You are so taken advantage of... (giggle) So... who cleaned the sheets?

BRUNO said...

I think I just might stay OUT of this one? (Softy-whistling, walking-away a bit-faster with each passing second...!☺)

Shrinky said...

Haha, oh Marty, good to hear it's not just our lot who drive us demented! And yes, erm.. I'm sooo glad the kids are clueless about my own mis-spent youth (wink).

Shrinky said...

Hey Sandi, couldn't you just lie a little about that last bit, give me some hope??

Shrinky said...

Oh Bathwater, ain't that the case? Sigh..

Shrinky said...

Hi Barbara, yup, the little darlings will forever keep us on our toes, whatever stage they are at, guess I might as well resign myself to it!

Shrinky said...

Fen, if I take any more deep breaths I'll be hyperventillating (maybe I should slow it down a bit?)..

Shrinky said...

Give it time Jayne, give it time..

Shrinky said...

Hi there Shopgirl, yep, plan ahead (grin).. ah, it's not all bad, they have their lighter moments too, even tho' they make my hair curl at times.

Shrinky said...

Life is rarely boring, Akelamalu.

Shrinky said...

Mythopolis, gotta give the boy credit for planning ahead! Shame he didn't realise he telegraphed his ulterier intentions to you in the process - giggle. We did once go away for a week, leaving the eldest at home. everything was spic and span and totally in order when we got back - right down to the freshly laundered sheets on my bed (grrrrrrrrr)!!!

Shrinky said...

SJ, he's bad enough without any encouragement from you, me lad (swat)!

Shrinky said...

Li, ha! It never crossed my mind that that mightn't translate across the pond (giggle)..

Shrinky said...

Truth is Leslie, I was probably far, far worse back when I was their age - but that's not the point, right?? (Blush..)

Shrinky said...

Ms A, I think there may be a lot to say for a drop of senility in old age, or at least a selective memory, eh?

Shrinky said...

Not me, Chewy, that's for sure. I did help Bec lug her mattress out to the garden for a them to give it a disenfectant spray and an airing..and she knows how to work the washing machine!

Shrinky said...

Haha, Bruno I pity your poor mother when you were younger!

BRUNO said...

Yeah, good ol' Mom---even in my early-teens, she told me I "would go to hell".

And at 18, I did. Then I came back. And she tells me I should've stayed there.

Good Mom, she was---but a little on the "Hmmm?"-side, at times...???

Ami said...

My god.
You're pretty cheerful about all of it, really. I guess that's the best defense, when you think about it...

Jay at The Depp Effect said...

Ah... don't fret so, Shrinky. Everybody's kids drive them crazy at some point!

Sounds as if you had to reinforce a few rules, but they'll turn out OK, I have every faith. Kids push, we push back. Fact of life.

Hang in there!

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

It will be worse..I felt like I was running a motel or flop house by the time my kids were grown and gone.

secret agent woman said...

Looks like more screaming is called for! I had three that don't belong to me here today.

Grayquill said...

Don't blink for then only the walls will contain the echos of a time past and you will long for some chaos.
Every season has its special times and yes, challenging times but when that time slips by it cannot return. Missing it - only brings regret.

Grandma's scrapbook said...

Have a happy Easter Holiday!

Shrinky said...

Well, on the positive side Bruno, looks like she was always consistent and you knew exactly where you stood with her..?

Shrinky said...

Och Ami, if I took it all too seriously I'd probably wind up in the loony bin (but don't tell them that)!

Shrinky said...

Ah Jay, there speaks a woman who seems to know what she's talking about - I think I'll trust your assurance (smile).

Shrinky said...

Cheers Jackie-Sue, I can always count on you to offer out hope (sigh)..

Shrinky said...

Secret Agent, I can always send a few more your way, if you're up for it??

Shrinky said...

Ah, sage advice Grayquill. Yes, indeed, overall it's a happy chaos, and one I secretly (mostly) enjoy!

Shrinky said...

Thankyou Grandma's Scrapbook (I see you still aren't reading my posts, then?) Happy Easter to you, too.

Pam said...

At the time it was hard work, but ten years on I remember those days fondly. I complained at the time that I never knew who would emerge from the living room for breakfast - one of my daughter's friends was always too lazy to even emerge from her sleeping bag and would inch down the corridor in it and climb in the cocoon up on to a chair in a half-asleep daze for the marmalade on toast, hand creeping out over the top.
We had exchange students, neighbours, friends. Then husband and I shifted interstate for work, daughter went to uni, and we had no-one. Sitting at my empty quiet table,I shed tears. It was what I missed the most.
At the time though,when it was happening, I honestly felt like I was running a hotel.

Scott from Oregon said...

Well, you could have the opposite problem... They could all be boring and you'd wonder if perhaps they'd been a few switcheroos at the hospital.

Shrinky said...

Oh Pam, this made me laugh and sigh, both at the same time! I do understand what you say - actually, yesterday I tripped over an old diary of mine from ten years back, and it was like reading about someone else's life -so, so much has changed since then. In between the odd frustration, I do hold our family close - I know I shall look back and miss these times when they are gone.

Shrinky said...

Haaaaaa, Scott, guess you have a very valid point there - the apple rarely drops far from the tree, does it? Payback can be a bitch!

Suldog said...

This is, of course, why some animals eat their young.

chewy said...

Unwrap the shrink-wrap and bloody scream!

Parabolic Muse said...

Oh, heavens. My nephews are scaring the crap out of me, and now I read THIS! Oh, so glad I don't have my own to worry! You are funny, though. And I can't think about what my mom had to deal with. No, I can't think about it...

Sandy said...

you sure brought back memories of my four guys sneaking in girls through the windows, etc...well two of them did.

and the drinking and partying i'd catch them at here at the house...

i'm so glad they are all on their own now, - although i help watch their kids now...it never ends, ha!