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Monday, March 24, 2008

Cabin Fever


Here I am sandwitched between Little Ally and her mum, taken last month. I've known them forever. I miss my friends. Since moving from London I've kind of isolated myself a bit. I know lots of folk, but it's not the same. Nutty Nora next door drives me demented, as do most of the "ladies who lunch" set that I feel oblidged to tolerate for the sake of my kids.

But Little Ally, she's my sister, and I love her to pieces. I've been to her eighteenth birthday party, cried at her wedding, and again over her divorce. She's nursed me through a broken heart, my mother's suicide and the acceptance of my child's mental disability. I can pick up the phone day or night and know she's there for me. It cuts both ways.

I usually either stay with her, or she stays with me when I visit London. We revert to teenage delinquents, stay up all night and drink far too much. We interrupt to finish each others sentences, giggle like school kids. and hatch evil plots to execute a Thelma and Louise type getaway together. She's seen me at my best, and has healed me at my worst. But the thing is, distance is a barrier and I can't just pop over for that coffee and a chat like I used to.

I've been on my own for most of the week, and as I had no car I was also housebound. The family took off to our place in London, leaving my eldest and me behind. He has some serious exams to sit after Easter and needed to hit the books. I had a sneaky suspicion that if left to his own devices he and his mates were more likely to hit the Vodka and our phonebill over any swotting up, so I elected to stay behind to "help" with his revision. Went down like a lead balloon, but I wasn't born yesterday.

Anyhows, he buckled down, did a fair bit of studying, and when he wasn't in his room doing that, he was off out with his mates. I barely exchanged three sentences a day with him, I usually woke after he'd left for the gym, and didn't see him unless he and his mates were cluttering up the kitchen.

I'd kind of looked forward to this week, a chance to write, pamper myself, contemplate. I'd planned to take long walks with the dog, potter about in the garden, read some of those books I've always meant to but haven't quite yet got around to picking up. Except. We had rain and storms all week, the telly was crap, and I couldn't seem to settle in to much of anything.

It got boring.

The first couple of days were fine. It hit me, I have no friends over here. It's my own fault, I beat people off with a stick, it's too much of a hassle to get to know them. I want to find an intant Little Ally clone without laying down all the time and energy it took for us to get to know each other so well. It's not going to happen. I guess I need to make the effort for that (sigh).

I can feel another London trip building.. (Wink)

61 comments:

quilly said...

I just moved to Hawaii and have few friends here except my "other half", and he has his work and his music to keep him busy -- and away from home. I miss my friends. I am not really homesick or unhappy, but there are times when I'd pack up and go home in an instant if it were possible.

Suldog said...

Wait a minute! I know how you can beat the borings! Write many, many blogs and build up a backlog to post for months in advance!

(Might not be the most relaxing thing for you, but it would make most of US very happy, you know.)

B.T.Bear (esq.) said...

Mummy gets like that...
wen she werkt in Kundon she knew lots ov peepol. Eevn wen she livd in Kent but dident werk, she still knew peepol jus to say hullo to. But in Essex she can go for days an the ownly person she talks to is Daddy. She duzzent kno enywun heer. Weev livd heer since Sept 2003 now. SUmtimes I think it's ownly me that keeps her sane, poor thing.

Hey ho...

I'm sendin Eestery hugs...

:@}

SJ said...

happy easter + 1 day.

Now I wouldn't mind a trip to London either. Too bad British Airways isn't a charity.

pat houseworth said...

Ahhhh, something to be said for boredom....after getting back from California and my trip west, I have settled into a semi-veggie state, at least until the American baseball season starts up next week and I have to go back to work umpiring.....

Bring on the Boredom killers.....

CHEWY said...

I wish everyone had a best friend like you have in Little Ally. A Craggy Friend might be right around the corner. Keep your eyes open. Best wishes, my friend. x

Rachelle said...

Boy oh boy,
You and I really were separated at birth...
I think I push people away out of fear. Every time I would make a new and close friend, I would have to move, or they would die- no kidding.
Since my Jane died, I have not even tried.

Here's to you and I breaking free and making new friends!
*clink*
Love ya,
Rachelle
Ps- you are one friend I will NEVER push away.

Mushy said...

There you go...wearing those leather britches again...conjuring up memories and fantasies.

I had to look up "swotting" and even spell check didn't know what the heck was going on...now I know. Learn something every day don't you.

It's good to have close friends, and even though I have lots of brother-in-laws, and Jeff, I still don't have what I had once with another friend. Lost him to time...never to have again.

John-Michael said...

Don't you just love SulDog!? That man has a heart that illuminates even the most remote corner! I adore that man!

And, My Dear Lady, I do, indeed adore You. I have been in a bit of a 'pit' for the last few hours ... Life sent Joni with a rescue spirit .. and encouraged me to check in on some folk who I have quickly grown to have trust in. And here I am!

Why? Because, My Darling Shrinky, you are beautiful ... your truth, your openness, your candor, and that lovely spirit of yours that motivates and directs all of who you are. I simply 'needed' to wrap myself in the 'security blanket' of your 'presence.' For a moment of renewal. And I'm so glad that did!

Pack up and skip over to London ... 1st chance!

Robert said...

look out another juvenile delinquent session coming...:))))

CrazyCath said...

Shrinky - when they get back you deserve a child free trip to London. (And husband free). Don't be so hard on yourself. You aren't pushing people away - you are choosy. Careful. Your friendship is precious and too good to just fling at anyone! I know 'cos I'm the same!! lol

Anyway, look at us lot. I haven't known you long I love ya! Especially when you blog. ;0) Cheer up doll - the bright lights are callin'

Alex L said...

I think thats just life once you get out of your teens. You just cant make new friends, I know if I lost the friends I had know I'd be screwed. Hate to be a downer. Just convince her to move to your little island.

simon said...

you have walked a hard mile....xxx

Shrinky said...

Quilly,

I am fortunate that I can hop on a plane as and when, as London is only an hours flight away. I hope you are able to visit your old friends every now and then?

Shrinky said...

Ah Suldog,

If only I could write to order, it never works that way though, does it? Sigh. There are weeks all I can produce is utter drivel. I'm having another one of those weeks.

Shrinky said...

Ah B.T,

Rumour has it Nutty Nora next door is about to put her house on the market - tell your mummy to be quick, I'd love her to be my neighbour. You could come round and play at my house all the time!

(Nosehugs)

Shrinky said...

I know sj,

I really must start doing the lotto again..

Shrinky said...

Ah Pat,

You lead a charmed life, my friend!

Shrinky said...

Aw Chewy,

I may not have many friends physically around me, but I sure do have one or two very special friends in here. (Hugs)

Shrinky said...

Sorry Mushy that you lost such a dear friend (hugs), it sucks to lose those we love.

Ya' like my britches? (doing a twirl) I know I'm too old for them, but I've vowed to go down kicking. The kids refuse to be seen out with me in these.

Oh yeah - for those non-Brits amongst us, "Swotting up" means studying.

B.T.Bear (esq.) said...

Ooo I'm tellin Daddy tonite! We shud come an liv nex dor to yu!! YES! THat wud be brillyent!!!

:@D



(yu mite hav to hide yor fish tank from Dilly)

Maalie said...

Oooh, there are those black rubber trousers again...

Shrinky said...

Aw, John-Michael, you little sweet talker you! Hope things are going well for you?

Shrinky said...

Robert, I sure hope so (tee-hee).

Shrinky said...

Ah CrazyCath, you're a treasure, so you are! (Big hugs bonny lass)I'm very blessed to have all my mates in here around me.

Shrinky said...

No Alex,

I have made another good friend over the last year or so, it's just a pity she doesn't live close by either, but you can still forge a new friendship from scratch at any point in your life. So long as there is a connection, it's possible.

Shrinky said...

Everyone has Simon (hug). x

Shrinky said...

Maalie,

RUBBER? RUBBER? Good God man, do I look like a girl who is into rubber? (Answer that in the affirmative and I will track you down and kill you.)

I'll have you know these are best quality soft leather breeches, so they are!

Scott from Oregon said...

"I feel another London trip coming..."

Any reason whatsoever to get you back in leather is fine by me...

Shrinky said...

Ah Scott,

You have to enjoy life where you can (grin).

BRUNO said...

Oooh, love the "cowhide-essentials"---and boots to match! It takes me blasted breath away! Oh-h-h-h-----!

Now, if I can---just---reach---my inhaler......!!!!!

simon said...

I don't think you are alone in how you feel. Sometimes its difficult to meet and make new friends.

Shrinky said...

Simon,

I'll make an effort to be slightly more sociable!

CHEWY said...

What's wrong with rubber? (tee-hee)

Shrinky said...

Chewy,
Um, er (swat!)

CHEWY said...

Ow!

Shrinky said...

sorry, I'm usually violent..

Shrinky said...

er - NOT, that was meant to read not! (blush)

Shrinky said...

Hey Bruno - quit with the heavy breathing! (wink)

Maalie said...

Hey, scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake.

Shrinky said...

Maalie,

Waste of taxpayer's money - everyone knows that!

BRUNO said...

Well, I would stop with the heavy-breathing. But it goes so well with my sweating and groaning!

And that's BEFORE I stand-up....!!!

david mcmahon said...

Bored? There's a book waiting for your expert touch.

But we all need friens like Little Ally in our lives ....

CHEWY said...

I'll be your fiend.

CHEWY said...

er - FRIEND, that was meant to read friend! (giggle)

Shrinky said...

I may well take you up on that, chewy (grin),

Shrinky said...

Bruno, cover your eyes, you're not a well man (x)

Shrinky said...

Ah David, such a slave-driver (you'd spoil all my fun). Sigh..

starnitesky said...

I know how you feel, I moved house last year and although I haven't moved far I don't see friends so much.

San said...

Oh Shrinky, your post touched a chord in me. I'd bonded with a woman here in SF. We understood each other. Had those deep conversations. Took walks. Had long lunches together. Then work took her to the West Coast. I miss her!

Big cities can cheer a person up--the possibilities they hold offer encouragement. To London!

CrazyCath said...

YO! Shrinky!

Award for you at my place. Come over and pick it up!

the mother of this lot said...

Cabin fever...I know it well! Come over here any time you're fed up!

Momma said...

I feel your pain, Shrinky. I used to have some incredibly close friends, but we all live so far apart now. I'd have to say my eldest sister is my best friend now. Well, it's a tie between her and my dear friend in NC. It's like you say, though, you can pick up the phone anytime day or night and get that love and support, and vice versa.

I find it very hard to meet and "fall for" new friends. I think it might be different if I hadn't had to deal with so many illnesses with my daughter. After awhile, I just didn't want to explain to anyone anymore about why things were the way they were. I just withdrew.

I know you'll make some new friends, though. And hey, you've always got us!

Peace - D

Shrinky said...

San,

It's hard when someone so close to your heart has to live so far away. Thank heavens for emails, eh? (Hugs)

Shrinky said...

Cheers Mother of this lot, stick the kettle on, I'm on my way!

Shrinky said...

Hi starnitesky, how lovely to see you in here. It's just life, I guess - when you move away from those you love, you need to be open to finding new friends you may grow to like.. it's not easy. Hope you soon find yourself surrounded by like minded folk.

Shrinky said...

Cath, you little sweetie you, I'm trotting over as I type.. thank you! (grin)

Shrinky said...

momma,

I can empathise deeply. I've also found we withdrew from almost all of our friends down the years, it was easier than explaining all the time why we couldn't join in (nor have the desire to) because of the upheavals of coping with a special needs child. That is why little Ally is all the more important to my life. She never needed to ask, she just held my hand.

(hugs.)

Maalie said...

Just come back to take another peep at those breeches.

Ellee Seymour said...

I'm sure you have many more friends than you realise. Your blog certainly seems very popular and I have enjoyed reading it.

Shrinky said...

ellee,

Having just arrived fresh back from your site, I can honestly say I am deighted that you've managed to stumble across me. I hope to know you better.