Thursday, July 14, 2011

Sick Bunny


"I said I don't feel well"

Undeterred, ever hopeful for his early morning birthday bonus, hubby unwisely points out the bright side,

"You know, your voice sounds really sexy, when it's all raspy like that.."

Catching the look I throw fit to drop an elephant, he deflates.

"What? What did I say?"

I'm too busy hacking my lungs up to answer. Sheesh, this is bad. I sit up and spit a few green lumps of what feels like semi-digested bone out onto the tissue (yeah, I admit to it, I peeked).


Still, at least it's serving to cool hubby's ardour.

Poor lad. It is his birthday, and we are on holiday, but as it simply hurts like hell for me to even breathe at this point, he's gonna' just have to do with the promise of birthday cake for now.

I scoot up and pad to the loo, which is where I suddenly have to stop to quell a scream.

(NB. Cystitis, to all you uninitiated males amongst us, is the female equivalent of having to pee with a scalding red hot poker up your privates. Naturally, this is a long drawn out stop and start process, being as how you instinctively need to clench every second or two in order to cease with the torture.)

Thing is, I don't ordinarily get chest infections, and I've never been particularly prone to cystitis either. To get both at the same time is nothing short of shameful, especially since I'm meant to be sunning it up on a beach in Greece.

And get a hold of this, as if I 'm not already sorry enough for myself, in the shower I only go and discover I've been stricken down by yet another dreaded lurgy.


Approximately eight inches south from my left armpit, what do I find but this huge, pulsating third nipple. 

(Well, that's what it looks like.)

It's a boil, a bloody great boil!! And it hurts.

A lot.

Then I find another one on my right hip.

Shit, can life get any better?

I don't even get boils. Talk about unfair!

Naturally, I can't fasten a bra around a boil, and my nether regions need as much fresh air as a frock can allow, so I'm resigned to going commando over the next few days.

What I really need is some serious medication.

A word to the wise here folks, never point at your fanny and wink at a Greek Pharmacist.. too much gets lost in the translation.

Finally, in lieu of cough medicine I'm given Lemsip, and in place of a lusty Vicks Nasal spray I'm handed a paltry eucalyptus stick to ram up my nose. I politely decline the proffered box of tampons.

Okay, it's far from perfect, but with double strength Lemsips every four hours, carrying that fetching plug up my nose, and with no painful undies threatening to lance my boils, life slightly improves.

Now, if only I can sit on my bum without squirming, I might even make it through to the end of the holiday without being arrested for cussing..

Helpful hubby to the rescue.
"Hey, isn't yogurt meant to be good for that?"
(Yes, yes I know NOW that that is for Thrush, not Cystitis, it's just a pity you weren't there with me at the time to tell me about that, isn't it? I'm  desperate enough to try anything at this point.)

Sadly, the restaurant doesn't dispense any syringes with their yogurts, but I'm game anyway.

Hubby helps (a tad more enthusiastically than called for).

A little squelchy, and exceedingly messy, he promises me an application every two hours or so will make a world of difference.

Sadly, he forgets to mention for whom.

Ah well.

It was worth a shot.

I finally resign myself to hijacking the youngest's inflatable and surrounding myself with an aura of "Touch me and you die".

It somehow gets me through.
Once back in Old Blighty again, I finally find the Doc, and jeez, look! I really was ill (Told you so).

Not only am I on a course of antibiotics, I'm on steroids and a ventilator too, not to mention awaiting the results of blood tests. Did I mention I actually passed out cold this morning.. ? I bloomin' well did, y'know!
So come on my friends, give me sympathy please, and lots of it too. (Hey, I'm giving my most brave and pathetic smile, cut me some slack here)!

This is an old post - no, I am not going on holiday this year, and can you blame me???

I've successfully farmed the girls out to go away with friends, Sam and hubby are taking off for a week without me, and Matt is happily working hard to save enough money to join his buddies in the south of France by the end of this month. 


I'm looking forward to long, peaceful walks with Jake on the beach, and full, blissful possession of the TV remote control upon my return..


RiverPoet said...

Great Scott, woman! Did you piss off some of the Greek gods or something?? Having one thing is bad enough. All three? You poor thing! You deserve to whine!

Didn't it occur to you to go to a local hospital or clinic? After all, you were (and still are, I presume) quite sick!

Hope you are on the mend soon - D

BRUNO said...

What more can we say but---"Welcome Home!"

I just knew that being in HOT Greece would cause blisters and boils! Learn to stay OUT of hot "grease"!

Next time, try the Cayman Islands, or somethin' more gentle on the skin!

And, yes, I can see where quite a lot COULD BE misinterpreted by a Greek pharmacist, in reference to pointing to your bum...!

Shrinky said...

Oh riverpoet, you're a momma, you know how kids look forward to their annual holiday. A day spent around the local A&E was not on the cards, I'm afraid. Must confess tho' - it has never been so good as to be back home again! x

Shrinky said...

Bruno, I forget you Americans interpret "fanny" as to meaning your backside, we Brits refer to it as a girlies front bits! Grin.. so yes, I guess I really shouldn't have, but hey, I was a desperate woman. Shrug.

imbeingheldhostage said...

Holy cow. All this time I was envying you on this great trip and there you were falling to pieces. I'm so sorry! Did you run over a gypsy or something? Anger a prophet (who brought a few plagues down to teach you a lesson)? I mean, wow. I hope your doctor gets it sorted!

Feel better soon!!

Hilary said...

Wow.. all the yogurt in the world wasn't going to help you like that. Not even Tzatziki! You poor, poor thing. Your immune system sure has taken a beating. How are you feeling now?

Les Becker said...

Holy shit, Carol, are you gonna be okay?! BOILS?! This isn't karma for feeding those cats, is it?

Hope you feel better soon - if not, fly up/over here and you can camp out in the sauna - I'll try and find you a masseuse. And I might share the beer.

CHEWY said...

That photo of you with the inhaler in your nose is priceless! ha-ha-ha - I'm laughing with you. - You poor thing. (hugs) Let's have a pity party. Break out the Ouzo!

Carol said...

OMG! I thought that was a tampon stuck up your nose!! Hysterical photo. Here's hoping that by today you're feeling human again, poor dolly.

Shrinky said...

imbeingheldhostage, the Gods did not smile down benignly on me, that's for sure! But I guess if you have to get sick, there are many worse places to be (smile). I'm hanging on in there, thanks for your best wishes.

Shrinky said...

Hi hilary, yes, my body has completely turned on me, Lord knows why, I'm never ill as a rule. Ah well, I'll sure appreceiate my health once it returns!

Les, you should not dangle a masseuse in front of a desperate woman, does he do home visits?

Oh Chewy, I was given a tall glass filled with ouzo as a complimentary drink with my meal one evening. I rarely drink spirits, but in my younger days I did enjoy drinking Pernod and black.. well the aniseed reminded me a little of that. I had ONE GLASS, JUST ONE. I've never had such a hangover in my life before. Never again..

Hi carol, haha! I know I can be a little tongue in cheek, but tampon up the nose? Nahhhhh (laughing).

Casdok said...

Oh you poor thing. Hope your third nipple has cleared up and you feel better soon.

SJ said...

Awwwww no way to spend a vacation. Hope you get well real soon. I guess it all boils down to (pun intended) bad luck.

Jay said...

Good grief, you poor thing!

Did you get bitten at all? By a flea from those cats, perchance? Hmm...

Well, never mind. Streptomycin is effective against bubonic plague. ;)

Seriously, I hope you feel better very soon!

Suldog said...

Oh, my. So, you were putting yogurt all over your... self. Oh, my. If you weren't so sick, I'd make all sorts of lewd and crude remarks, you know that. Instead, I'll just wish you a quick, full recovery.

Oh, my.

mrsnesbitt said...

You have my deepest sympathy and understanding! Every now and again I get cystitis and have an arrangement with the doctor so I get the anti-biotics STRAIGHT AWAY! I know whn it is coming on! Try and drink lemon barley, copious amounts.


Hilary said...

Actually, there's a lot to be said for yogurt. If it weren't for that, I wouldn't have any culture at all. ;)

Shrinky said...

Hi casdock, I'm pleased to report the Spanish Inquisition could examine me all over now and find me to be third-nipple free (well, nearly).

Aw, cheers sj - are you going soft in your old age? Thanks for the sympathy.

Jay, now you come to mention it, I did (get bitten) as it happens.. maybe it's true that every good deed you do will catch you out?

Suldog, it was purely in the interests of medical research me lad, nothing more! (Well that's what hubby told me when I was fool enough to believe him..)

Cheers Denise, I'll bear that in mind if it ever comes around again. I'm relieved to report things have settled down some now. Grin.

Akelamalu said...

Bad chest, sore lady garden and boils? Bloody hell you should have been in hospital! There's being stoic but you deserve a medal for putting up with all that.

I hope the medicine's working and you're feeling better. Fingers crossed the tests all come back fine.

Shrinky said...

akelamalu, haha! yeah, maybe you have a point, if I were back in my comfort zone at the time, I wouldn't have hesitated to get treated.. anyways, it's all on the mend now, no harm done. Grin.

CrazyCath said...

OMG Shrinks what the hell did Greece do to you????!!
What a complete nightmare. And YES BLOKES, cystitis IS as Shrinky described.
Have you dug a hole in the patio to bury your husband in yet? (For having you "wear" natural yoghurt?) LMAO

Love the photos - you got some long legs there. But seriously - you take care. Whatever you had (have), you had it bad. Get some rest!

mrsnesbitt said...

Glad all is well!
Celebrate with a nice long wee! LOL!
(Bet you squint a bit.)

Easybreathingfella said...

Welcome home,
Sorry to hear you had a shitty time, oop's apparently that was one thing you managed to avoid. I commented on a previous post (that time of year again) that all you girls do on the run up to a holiday is to moan moan moan.

Under the circumstances this time your forgiven, or maybe not. Was it sratch a little fanny with one hand whilst dragging on a cig in the other. I told you to kick the weed months ago. Looking at your medication you have in front of you, that's a starter pack, carry on and you will quailfy for the full blown morning,noon and night medication package.

I don't want to labbour the point but I was on the same as you, bar one which I assume is for your girlie problems. Give up the CIGS.

If not I'll send you a application form for a support group for chesty folks, and run by a right nice fella.

Sermon over. But think of the Kids.

Keith x

BRUNO said...

Yeah, we do everything else "backwards", too!

But it's YOU who drives on the WRONG side of the road---not US!

We save THAT spot for those equally-crazy Australians...!

Scott from Oregon said...

Not quite the vacation to write a steamer about, I reckon...

Hope you get all the parts properly lubricated and working again...

Alex L said...

Dont go on holiday again... nothing good can come of it. I hope every thing gets well again.

Helena said...

Bob is rolling around on the floor cos he just read your labels.

Sorry but I had to laugh re the yoghurt!!!!!

I hope you are better soon.

Hugs (from safe distance) LOL

Helena said...

BTW, Cranberry juice. I swear, it stopped me constantly getting cystitis. You can get cranberry capsules from health shops, too. There is something in cranberry that stops the nasty bacteria from clinging to the wall of the bladder- hence, it flushes it out, and will also prevent it coming back.

Shrinky said...

Cath, shhhhh, that plot in the patio has nothing whatsoever to do with me, alright? (Eyes skyward, whistling an innocent tune..)

I don't want to push it, Denise!

Okay Keith, I hear 'ya!

Bruno, the way I drive it doesn't matter much what country I'm in (giggle).

I'm working on it, scott.

Alex, this is what I try to convince the family of every year, they just won't listen!

Thanks Helena, I will stock up on some (actually, I rather like the taste of it, too). I'm happy to say, things are much improved already. x

Easybreathingfella said...

Hearing is one thing, doing is quite a different thing altogether.

Kit Courteney said...

I nearly wet myself reading that post. And my sides are agony.

I have a thumping migraine (but certainly none of your ailments THANK GOODNESS!) so if you could just try to be not quite so amusing for a while, that would be appreciated!

Shrinky said...

Aw kit, you need to be lying down in a darkened room, not blog reading (hugs).. hope it eases soon hon, miserable buggers are migraines.

Keith, now who's the nag?

CHEWY said...

(waggling finger) You listen to your elders now!

Cranberry Juice with Grey Goose. YUM!

pat houseworth said...

Next time, don't drink the water!


Jules~ said...

Good golly lolly! Here I am back in blog land and eager to read about your adventures.....boy did I get a surprise.
I am so sorry you have been over taken by wild obsessive germs trying to have a party all over you without your permission. How rude!
You poor thing. May you get better...100% very, very, and might I add...very quickly.

Shrinky said...

Yes mamma Chewy (looking suitably chastised).

Pat, don't you mean to say "the ouszo"?

Thank you Jules, I'm happy to say the meds are finally starting to kick in - glory be!

CJ said...

I told you to stick with the Greek wine. Now look what happened. Oh my. I so hope you are feeling better soon. I have to admit, I did get a bit of a chuckle out the inhaler pic. Sorry about that. Get well soon!

david mcmahon said...

Please tell me you're better now .....

So in this case, Greece ISN'T the word?

Rachelle said...


Look what I have been missing. Some of your best writing here my friend, you should get boils more often... er, or not...

Seriously, sounds perfectly dreadful and I hope you are feeling much, much better now dear.
If not, let me know and I'll break out my cauldron- mua-ha-ha-ha-haaaa

Shrinky said...

Hi cj, I'm turning back into something semi-human again. A funny aside about that inhaler, the mutt snuck off and chewed on it when I got back, he was hyperventillating when I found him!

Shrinky said...

Hello David, yup, thank you my friend, life is now turning good again. Funny how you take your health for granted until it deserts you for a bit!

Rachelle me old mate, you can put the cauldren aside for now, looks like I'm going to survive after all. ((hugs))

mrsnesbitt said...

Just popping over to see how you are feeling honeybunch?


Shrinky said...

Aww, thanks Denise, I am much, much better now, so much so I am finally off to brave the beach - it's actually stopped raining here today, I feel the need to blow away the cobwebs.

Rachelle said...

BTW, did you see the comment from my wee baby brother? He emailed me today to tell me not to take anything he said seriously, he totally agreed with everything, and he was only saying that to cover his butt because mom went to him and whined about my blog... oy, I tell you the DRAMA in my family!!
Love you, and boy have I missed you.

Rachelle said...

oy! Drop me a line, I can't find your addy!

Berthddu Suit said...

Lordy! You are having a rough time, I hope you feel better soon. Lots of water and Cranberry juice is good for Cystitis, take it from someone who knows!

Cuckoo said...

I am so sorry sweet lady. All this time I was envying you on this great trip and there you were falling to pieces.

Feel better my dear.

And thanks for those kind words for me on David's blog.

Shrinky said...

Cheers Berthduu, I'll take that advice on board for next time. NIce to see you in here, welcome aboard!

Hey Cuckoo, I'm still waiting for that promised photo! Grin.

Lee said...

Aww...Shrinky I'm so sorry you're feeling bad. From reading your comment on David's I can tell you are on the way to recovery. But stay in bed, it's good for the kids (hubby too) to learn to fend for themselves. Really! And get better soon. I hope there are no serious after affects from all of this.

Hoping & Praying for a speedy recovery,

Louise said...

Oh, yuk. Get better soon. And whine all you want!

Over from Authorblog.

Fat, frumpy and fifty... said...

omg...what a time you're having...!! sympathy by the boat load..

Shrinky said...

Aw Sarah, I'm fine now, really! Grin..

Carol said...

I knew this was a winner when I read it. And that picture of the tampon up the nose.....priceless for sure! Glad you're feeling better!

CrazyCath said...

Congrats on POTD friend!

Hope you are 100% well and fighting fit now.

babooshka said...

There's me thinking you had a tampon shoved up there on first glance. It's late, I'm tied, wha can I say. Bloosy funny read and priceless pic.

I'm the phantom craggy island blogger.

Kathryn said...

Wow! Quite a vacation you had there. Rotten!
Hope you are feeling better!

Over from David's. :)

Shrinky said...

Louise, it's never felt so good to be home!

Lee, bed? Sheesh, I wish! Hubby works away from home, and the house would be demolished if I dared to leave the kidiwinkles in charge!

Aww Carol, hugs my friend, thanks for that.

Cath, cheers hon, I think David gave me the sympathy vote this week (wink).

Babooshka, hi there fellow Craggy Islander! You are the first blogger I've encountered in here, it's such a delight to view our island through your blog. You are not too bad for a "northener" (teehee, shove)!

San said...

Shrinky, I'll chime in, since misery loves company. A coupla weeks ago I too got the worst cystitis I have ever had, and it came with fever and chills and throat congestion. I take tremendous pride in my cast-iron immune system. It just goes to show you pride goeth before truly disgusting infirmities. What's YOUR excuse, lass?

Wow, your husband can't be all bad. His birthday is two days from mine.

LOVED this post!

Shrinky said...

Hi san, oh dear, looks like the Cystitus fairy has been doing her rounds, huh? I am also usually as fit as a flea, it was a huge insult to be laid so low. Still, it does make me value and appreceiate my health again.. hope you are also back to a hundred per cent too.

mrsnesbitt said...

BLISS!!!!! Enjoy the peace and quiet Carol you deserve

Rock Chef said...

Good to see that this is all a flash-back and that this summer is looking like being much better!

Pearl said...

Holy shit, could it get worse?!!!

On the other hand, nice legs. :-)



you guys sure have a weird way of enjoying your vacation.

Scott from Oregon said...

An oldie but a goodie!

Put the tampon up your nose and the sticks up your wazoo. That'll fix most ailments your hubby is ailing from...

ellen abbott said...

since you said it was a repost I'm assuming it is so no 'get wells' from me.

and who needs to go on holiday when you have the house and the remote all to yourself? sometimes I will tell hubby I don't care where you go but just leave the house today. I want it all to myself.

Middle Child said...

The only time I get sick is after a plane trip - wow that is some story. Isn't Greece where Hippocrates kicked off the medical thingie? The Hippocratic oath...

Shopgirl said...

I'm glad you are not sick now. Boy it sounds like quite an experience and you wrote it so well. Always a treat to visit and read your stories.

Jeaux said...

You had me worried. I'm so glad this is past history. I thought you'd OD'd on Capri Sun.

May your post inoculate your respite against any and all inconvenience, mishap, and disturbance.

Do you know that everybody looks at their stool? We can't help it.

Joanna Jenkins said...

You fooled me! Soooo glad to hear you're not sick and on vacation. Enjoy the peace and quiet.
xo jj

The Blue Zoo said...

Im glad this is an old post and all that yucky sickness is in the past! Geez, it sounds just awful!

Sex, Drugs and Bacon Sandwiches said...

HEYYYY, when I first read your post I was feeling totally sorry for you and was actually excusing you for your lack of contact... Now I'm just pissed and wish I had some yoghurt to throw at you or something!!

Drop the remote control and get in contact. :)

lisleman said...

wow reading blogs really to do teach me things. Yogurt applications - any certain type of yogurt? I've have only heard of whipping cream and that was just for adding to the mood.

Good to heard you are better - but that was one good post.

Grayquill said...

I was glad to here this is a re-run. The whole time I was reading the post I kept wondering, where does the lady get the strength to do a blog post?!?!?!?! Gee willikers. I am glad you are okay.
Enjoy your temporary control of the remote.

Pat Tillett said...

wow! I'm surprised your little inflatable boat didn't spring a leak! Sometimes a coma sounds pretty good...

silly rabbit said...

Oh lordy... what a horrible vacation! But you did make me laugh.
I know... sorry... you're not supposed to laugh at a person's misery. But I'm flawed.