I've found myself taking stock of my life, where I want to go, what I've achieved (and not), the decisions I've made to arrive to where I am at. On the whole, most would (should) be pretty content with my lot.
And for the most part I am.
It's just..
I don't want to be 51.
I don't want to be responsible.
And I am so friggin' tired of cleaning house, feeding the multitude, and of being this solid, dull role model to my kids.
Sometimes
I just want to
Screeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaam!!!!!!!!
and run away.
92 comments:
No, you're not alone. Running way has great appeal sometimes but at the end of the day, it's still nice to have someone to run home to...
Nah, I think we all have that from time to time!
Take a couple of days out - put Sam in charge of the house - kick back and let your mind wander...
Oh, definitely not alone. Christ, I'm 31 and I feel that way most of the time. The only time I can go without being responsible is from 9pm until whenever I fall asleep.I really need like, a full day of letting things pile up...
Oh Hilary, you are so wise, yes, it's true, all paths still lead to home.
hey! i'm 51 .. with kids, a husband who always travels .. and responsibilities .. and a house .. my kids think i'm nuts.. i'm blessed, really i am. i even have a job .. still ..
so, can i join you in a big loud SCREEEAAAAAM!!!
51?
Just wait until you're 61 like me!
LOL
Ha RC, that might just be exactly what's called for, to check my brain out and go play hookey for a while!
Matt, y'know I am feeling better already - I wasn't sure when I hit "publish" on this post, but reading the response, I am so glad that I did. It's good to know we all get this way from time to time.
I have time off from being the solid role model for my kids those days-- I am anything but a role model.
You are so not alone... - Jazz
No you are not alone - you need to surround yourself with people who also do not want to be responsible - yeah! We can all stick together! Not long now -!!!!!
Why can you not scream?
Is there not a way to have both? :O)
Oh dear, we all feel that way at times. But wait until you get to be 61 with no kids to look after. I've been feeling the same way lately, wondering what's left for me. Kids don't need me, no man in my life to love and cuddle me when I need it, no career aspirations, the body is failing, and just old age facing me square on. I don't even have the energy to "scream" anymore. *sigh*
Ugh, I hear you on this one. And I have a very different life than you do. It's universal. I think most people want to run away from our lives at one point or another. But the ordinary lives are the best lives, it seems. Maybe have a spa day?
No, you are not alone in this...giving out to our spouses, children and homes and jobs are endless and never ending it seems...while for the most part I love my life (except I would be lying if I didn't admit that I would rather have a life without pain :)...there are day's I want to scream and run away from all this work.
I do hope you and yours are doing well. Miss visiting you here but thankful for this time to stop by and say hello. XX
I think you should plan some time away with Little Ally this summer. Chewy
I just turned 52 and feel the same, except I've shucked a lot of that responsibility now that my kids have flown, thank goodness (I miss them, but that's the silver lining!)
I hear ya, Shrinky. I think you should go to Vegas. Booze and a nudie show.....that should do the trick!
ps Love the photo of you!
True!!
Every body had some Times like that...
But Altogether we are making real Life!!
Thanks for a good sharing!!
With All Best Wishes..
I get that way sometimes. Tired of being the one who carries the difficult load. My parents, my kids, my grandkid now my husband's sister (who is very ill) are all on my shoulders.
When I feel overwhelmed I listen to my head-banging hard rock music. Godsmack, Disturbed, Stone Temple Pilots etc. Makes me feel better!
Yep, am with you, lovely Shrinky! It's horrible to feel that way. For me, there's only one word when it gets that mundane: DANCING! ooooolalala! I find it so cathartic. Preferably in some seedy club with some serious tunes but, if that's not possible (which it often isn't in my world) then ZUMBA is the answer. Do they Zumba on your island? Exercise and crazy latin dance routines which take you back to schoolgirl choreography..... call me shallow but it works every time.
It could be the lack of ciggies that is making you feel so down. I'm not suggesting for one moment that you start smoking again, but recognising that possibility might help...?
Much love and a big hug xxxxxx
I know how it goes!! I think we've all had days like that..
Hey Foam, we are living the same lives on opposite sides of the pond.. spooky!! If we swapped families a couple of weeks every year, do you think anyone would notice??
Now look, Shrinky, 'don't make me come over there!'' (that's what my mom would say when I was misbehaving. ) As for me, just when I thought I had hit the wall, and couldn't take it anymore, a miracle happened. After 19 nervous breakdowns, I suddenly discovered my second childhood...a world of immature self-indulgence, and inappropriate laughter. My (adult) children sometimes must find me embarrassing, but it's only because they are jealous. So, hang in there!
Ake, thanks for cheering me up.
Bathwater, maybe I should be careful of what I wish for?
Jazz, what's that German word for taking pleasure in another's discomfort? I find it shamefully comforting to hear I'm in good company..
Yeah Denise, roll on the TT, eh? I'll have a glass waiting (smile).
Daffy, screaming sets the autistic kid off - not allowed.
Oh Leslie, this really strikes a chord with me - you are lively, attractive, have a wickedly sharp mind and are FREE - if you joined a dating site you'd be snapped up in a minute (admittedly possibly by an axe weilding manic, but even axe-wielding maniac's have their tender, not to mention exciting moments).. I would def sign up were I able!
356 Attempts - a spa DAY??? Hell, in my single days I happily took Spa WEEKS without a care..(pout). Nuff said.
Hello dear Lori, yes I know, I have little to complain about in the great scheme of things, but a good old moan doesn't half help to let off a little bit of steam. I sure hope you are holding up over there, I must go visit with you soon to catch up on how things are.
Och Chewy, Little Ally? I need at least another year to live down my last visit there - do I need to remind you of that embarrassing lunch with my Ex, the nutty DJ woman with the drug dealing bruiser for a boyfriend, and that sporty eye-patch I came home wearing? love her as I might, Little Ally is hardly a good influence on me, now is she?
Hmn, Barbara. See, thing is, I have one child who will NEVER fly the coop..
hello Joy, how nice to see you in here again - sorry you joined me in the middle of a rant (blush), and yes, I am beginning to realise I am far from alone on these "off" days!
Ah Portia, beneath the surface, like a graceful swan that glides, I think most of us are all peddaling like crazy just to keep afloat..? (Hugs)
Kate, I don't know about Vegas, but I sure hear London a-calling! We still keep a place there, maybe I should use it..
Hey there Kristina! Ah sod dancing, I'm more in the mood for kick-boxing any partner right now (giggle).. see, trouble is this sleepy isle (which I love, love, love living on - I do, I do, I really do - mostly) doesn't have clubs the likes of that. It has sheep. ((x))
Whispering Writer, I love knowing most folk also like to cover themselves in misery once in a while - and the sun always comes out another day, doesn't it?
Dan, I'm gonna' have to make you come over here, I'm afraid.. (evil grin)!
You are absolutely NOT alone! When I start having those feelings, I take a nap until they pass. Yes, I nap a lot!
I think it is safe to safe you are definitely not alone in this. Can I scream with you?
Hey Chewy, how 'bout I come over to vist with you, instead? (Aw, quit with that nervous twitch..)
Funny how you should say that Ms A, I do find myself real sleepy as of late (Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz)..
Opps, sorry, where were we again???
Secret Agent, the more the merrier (and I do so love me a screamer).
you need a 'me day'...take it..
and then you scream...I'll change places any day - its too darn quiet here - out of town - kids all well flown the coop and nobody needing me to do anything - haven't a clue what to do now...
course you're not alone. But if you do run away, make sure you come visit me here! Mwah xo
Ha! Yea, you are SO not alone. I feel like running away at least 6 days a week. lol I am SO tired of cleaning this house. And the thing is - it NEVER gets clean! Ever. Its always a mess! So whats the point?
I will Jackie-Sue, thanks (grin)!
Therese, you? Never! You are such a force, you'll always find a purpose!
Eee Fen, don't tempt me (laughing), I'd love to take off to Aussieland right now.
Oh Blue Zoo, ain't that a fact? It's hard to keep motivated when it's always such an endless never ending task - pah! (spit)
Dear Shrinky, every good parent who ever lived feels that way sometimes. But you probably need a (GREAT!) weekend away, not an unattached rest-of-your-life...as for being depressed at being middle-aged, you look many years younger than that. Other 51-year-olds should be so lucky!
Oh, yeah, I remember those feelings. Never fear, the time will come when the house is quiet and then you have to figure out what you want to do with the rest of those years, hours.
((((xxx))))
51? Wait till you hit 62...Then take stock, and have a smoke and stiff drink, then take some more stock. :)
(1) I'm not quite that age yet, but close. I keep thinking that I was a teenager just yesterday. And there's always the feeling that youth has passed us by. We just didn't realize how fickle a friend it would turn out to be.
(2) To be the parent, the responsible one....or the one who has to sacrifice "Women Who Kill" for "Pimp My Crib" I don't envy. Perhaps a temporary escape of some type?
BTW, with over 58 shrink-wrapped screams on this post, I wouldn't quite say you're alone.
Then again, you are, of course. Only one person in your skin.
well, they might if i showed up with a daughter.. :) i have 2 male teenagers .. 19 and almost 14.
oh, and it's schadenfreude, btw (taking pleasure in somebody else's pain). don't know if somebody answered that already.
Hop in the car, roll down the windows, turn on the radio LOUD, and drive until your heart is content! Oy yes, and SING!
That is what I do when I feel this way...
Hang in there!
That's exactly why you should visit little Ally! (shove)
You are definitely not alone! Gosh I've been feeling exactly the same - I don't want to be 50, yet it's facing me square in the face, right around the corner. And yet, it's better than the alternative, now isn't it? We must remind ourselves, it's only a number. And let others pick up the messes. ;)
I am your (hopefully tolerable) company.
you absolutely reflected my mother's thoughts. you're definitely not alone :)
Try being two years off 60!...and I think I'll come back as a rebel in the next life.Then again,maybe I'll start at 60!
Oh Margaret, the joys of photoshop is a delight to behold - an instant face lift is always only a click or two of the mouse away(blush)!
I know, Nancy. I know (sigh).
hey Merisi, hello my friend, how lovely to see you again (x)!
Hi Pat, blimey - I quit smoking over a month ago now! Maybe I should just make my drink a large one, eh?
Yeah X-Dell, if only we could go back in time with the brain we have now, and the body we had then, eh? But in lieu of that perhaps a little trip to the mainland might well set me right again.. And yes, I am quite taken aback at how many others appear to be in the same place as this every now and then!
Foam, THAT'S the word I'vee been looking for - cheers for that! I also have a 14yr and 19yr old, and um, a 16 & 17yr old too, two boys, two girls. Little wonder I often want to run away from home (giggle)!
Debra, if you knew the way I drive, I doubt you'd be encouraging me like that (cringe).. seriously.
Chewy, shove ya' back!
I hear you, Jayne - guess we all arrive here eventually (and even then only if we're lucky), eh?
Not you too, sj? But you are nothing but merely a young lad yet!!
So it seems, Lines and Shades, and believe it or not, that actually cheers me up no end!
Pam, I'm plotting on a wicked, irresponsible old-age..!
yes you are alone, cause i am 17 years older than you and i amone alone yep run away
Biggest tip I can give you.....a cleaning lady. Save yourself
that's the problem with parenthood, shrinky, once it starts, there's no end to it... til you're six feet under... cuz, no matter where you go, you're still the parent, whether there's just one, or a dozen!
as for aging... just consider the alternative :O lol
Haha Putz, yup, I hear what you say!
Hi Mrs. Tuna, how lovely to see you in here, welcome aboard! Cleaning lady?? Pah. We had one (well lots, none stayed for long) for years when the children were younger, in the end I found it easier just to do my own cleaning -less guilt, easier to find stuff, and no tidying up necessary before she arrived!
Hi Laughingwolf, yeah, maybe I should have considered that advice BEFORE getting pregnant (only joking - sort of)! And yeah, old age comes to us all in the end, guess I might as well give in and accept it.
Ha! Most definitely not alone, as you well know! LOL!
I don't want to be 57 either. And I won't want to be 58, come to that. Still, look on the bright side: it's better than 83, huh?
I used to threaten my family that I would dye my hair black and run away to Scotland. :p
Madness will surely come when screams remain silent . . .
You should scream. Let it out. DO IT RIGHT NOW.
Many smooches.
I like it that you are direct and honest about this. I know I've been crap-all because I wasn't here to hear your SCREAM, and I've been despairing of late, but I relish a friend who will be honest and not pretend everything is all hunky-dorry, like so many arty people do. sheesh.
On another note, you always look fabulous!
I've had rather an eventful life...I'm just happy I'm going to make 51 so I'll settle quite happily for a humdrum life.
Run away or not, you look great.
ohhh i can relate, but you are such a cute 51 year old.
raising four boys and having a medical transcription business at home during those years...i always wanted to scream...
love your blog. i'll be back to read more about you and your sweet Sam and family. my wrist sprain keeps me from typing well...
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